Redneck shoots up Pensacola with AK-47

[laklak]

Reposted from that other site.

Well, what do they expect? They fucking ran out of crawfish FFS.

http://www.pnj.com/article/20110602/NEW ... 006/news01

A manic shooter peppered a busy Ensley retail strip with assault rifle fire Sunday evening because a local seafood market ran out of crawfish, investigators said.

Larry Wayne Kelly, 42, of Pensacola is in county jail on $575,000 bond facing a slew of felony charges.

Kelly's lead-filled rampage erupted about 7 p.m. when Escambia County deputies received a flood of calls reporting a man speeding through Ensley, blasting an AK-47 assault rifle from the window of a pickup truck.

Here's the problem:

"If you don't have crawfish, you can get crab or something else. Why is crawfish so important?" Nguyen said.

WTF? Huh? Look, buddy, when you've got your heart set on mudbug etouffee you don't just go substituting crab or shrimp or something, you need the goddamned MUDBUGS. Get it? You run a seafood market, what kind of seafood market runs out of crawdads? Might as well say "if there's no sausage then just get bacon instead". Do grocery stores run out of okra? I don't think so. This guy just doesn't understand Gulfcoast culture.

The shooter is one of those "sovereign citizen" nutjobs who believe they can just decide the law doesn't apply to them. He'll likely refuse to defend himself in court, claiming he doesn't "recognize" its authority. He's in for a bit of a surprise when they sling his sovereign redneck ass into Raiford for 30 years.

Won't be a sovereign ass for long in there.

[Ian]

I lived in Pensacola for three months. They take their seafood seriously down there.

[Geoff]

Idiot. It was a seafood shop, not a cheese shop!

...

Wenslydale: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Wenslydale: Right-0, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.

[charlou]

It's like Falling Down, yokel style.

[Ironclad]

Red-neck using a Commie weapon... that is the worst crime I see.

[Wumbologist]

Red-neck using a Commie weapon... that is the worst crime I see.

It probably wasn't even an AK, the media has no fucking clue when it comes to guns:

[laklak]

AAAAAAA! Plastic guns! AAAAAAA!

AAAAAAA! Assault Rifles! AAAAAAA!

This dude was PISSED OFF.

When deputies approached the vehicle on foot, Kelly allegedly accelerated toward the deputies, forcing them to jump to avoid being hit.

During a short chase, Kelly tried to sideswipe a patrol car, and repeatedly rammed deputies' vehicles after he crashed and was boxed in near Palafox and Ensley streets, the Sheriff's Office report said.

Fuck you screw! You'll never take me alive! Top of the world, Ma!

Reads like something out of The Dukes of Hazzard (or Yoknapatawpha County, for the more literary) .Sumbitch was loaded for bear:

Investigators found four guns in Kelly's truck, including an AK-47 assault rifle, a 12-gauge shotgun, a 9 mm "TEC-9" pistol, and a .38-caliber revolver — all loaded.

"all loaded" Jesus Christ, how stupid are reporters anyway? This is the Florida Panhandle, arguably the most inbred, redneck, show-us-yer-tits stretch of waterfront real estate on the planet. Of fucking course they were loaded. WTF good is an unloaded weapon?

Do not get in between a redneck and his mudbugs.

[laklak]

For those of you lucky enough to find mudbugs at the store, here's the best etouffee you've ever eaten.

Etouffee

2 lbs crawfish tails, shelled and deveined.
2 Tbsp Creole seasoning
7 Tbsp butter
1 ½ cups finely chopped Trinity (equal amounts celery, onion, green bell pepper)
¼ cup all-purpose flour
¾ cup fresh tomato, diced
1 ½ cups seafood stock (may take a little more)
2 tbsp minced garlic
¼ cup fresh thyme, chopped
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp hot sauce
½ cup spring onions, thinly sliced
3 tbsp minced flat-leaf parsley
salt, pepper and cayenne to taste
filé powder

Sprinkle crawfish tails with ½ of the Creole seasoning. Melt 4 tbs butter and add trinity, sauté until translucent. Add flour to make a medium dark roux (5-7 minutes or until a medium brown color). Add remaining seasoning. Slowly add stock and bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Should be the consistency of gravy. Add more stock if it's too thick.
Add tomatoes, garlic, thyme, Worcester, hot sauce, salt, pepper and cayenne. Simmer 20-30 minutes, adding stock as necessary to maintain consistency.
Add crawfish, green onions and parsley, simmer about 10 minutes or until tails are cooked but still tender. Stir in remaining butter and season to taste. Thicken with filé powder. Serve over boiled rice.

dats some good eatin I garontee

EDIT you can substitute shrimp, but it just isn't the same

[Dries van Tonder]

For those of you lucky enough to find mudbugs at the store, here's the best etouffee you've ever eaten.

Etouffee

2 lbs crawfish tails, shelled and deveined.
2 Tbsp Creole seasoning
7 Tbsp butter
1 ½ cups finely chopped Trinity (equal amounts celery, onion, green bell pepper)
¼ cup all-purpose flour
¾ cup fresh tomato, diced
1 ½ cups seafood stock (may take a little more)
2 tbsp minced garlic
¼ cup fresh thyme, chopped
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp hot sauce
½ cup spring onions, thinly sliced
3 tbsp minced flat-leaf parsley
salt, pepper and cayenne to taste
filé powder

Sprinkle crawfish tails with ½ of the Creole seasoning. Melt 4 tbs butter and add trinity, sauté until translucent. Add flour to make a medium dark roux (5-7 minutes or until a medium brown color). Add remaining seasoning. Slowly add stock and bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Should be the consistency of gravy. Add more stock if it's too thick.
Add tomatoes, garlic, thyme, Worcester, hot sauce, salt, pepper and cayenne. Simmer 20-30 minutes, adding stock as necessary to maintain consistency.
Add crawfish, green onions and parsley, simmer about 10 minutes or until tails are cooked but still tender. Stir in remaining butter and season to taste. Thicken with filé powder. Serve over boiled rice.

dats some good eatin I garontee

EDIT you can substitute shrimp, but it just isn't the same

Saved to my recipes folder

[Wumbologist]

For those of you lucky enough to find mudbugs at the store, here's the best etouffee you've ever eaten.

Etouffee

2 lbs crawfish tails, shelled and deveined.
2 Tbsp Creole seasoning
7 Tbsp butter
1 ½ cups finely chopped Trinity (equal amounts celery, onion, green bell pepper)
¼ cup all-purpose flour
¾ cup fresh tomato, diced
1 ½ cups seafood stock (may take a little more)
2 tbsp minced garlic
¼ cup fresh thyme, chopped
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp hot sauce
½ cup spring onions, thinly sliced
3 tbsp minced flat-leaf parsley
salt, pepper and cayenne to taste
filé powder

Sprinkle crawfish tails with ½ of the Creole seasoning. Melt 4 tbs butter and add trinity, sauté until translucent. Add flour to make a medium dark roux (5-7 minutes or until a medium brown color). Add remaining seasoning. Slowly add stock and bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Should be the consistency of gravy. Add more stock if it's too thick.
Add tomatoes, garlic, thyme, Worcester, hot sauce, salt, pepper and cayenne. Simmer 20-30 minutes, adding stock as necessary to maintain consistency.
Add crawfish, green onions and parsley, simmer about 10 minutes or until tails are cooked but still tender. Stir in remaining butter and season to taste. Thicken with filé powder. Serve over boiled rice.

dats some good eatin I garontee

EDIT you can substitute shrimp, but it just isn't the same

This sounds really good! I'll have to look around for the crawfish tonight, I'll make sure to bring my Mini-14, just in case they're out.

[Gallstones]

Red-neck using a Commie weapon... that is the worst crime I see.

It probably wasn't even an AK, the media has no fucking clue when it comes to guns:

• 

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"because a local seafood market ran out of crawfish,"

[laklak]

Follow up in the Pensacola paper. These "sovereign citizens" are certainly a wild and crazy bunch.

http://www.pnj.com/article/20110603/NEW ... k-crawfish

They believe they can declare independence through an obscure legal process, after which they don't have to pay taxes and are not subject to U.S. laws or courts.

They often refuse to obtain Social Security cards or register their vehicles, and they won't carry driver's licenses or use ZIP codes.

Kelly's truck had a homemade license plate when he was arrested.

ZIP CODES! Fucking Federal interference. Fuck your ZIP codes, Imperialist Oppressors!

In 2009, Kelly filed a 30-page document with Escambia Circuit Court, claiming that "Larry Wayne Kelly, a real man," "LARRY WAYNE KELLY, a corporate entity," and "Larry-Wayne: Kelly, Personam Sojourn and People of Posterity" are different things.

Kelly's paperwork went on to claim hundreds of items as personal property, including fuel tanks and farm machinery. It also claimed intangible concepts, such as "all rights to exercise dominion over the earth," as property.

laklak, Laklak, Lak Lak, lak-lak LakLak, lak.lak, lak@lak. Don't get me confused with someone else, OK?

Who wouldn't want their daughter to date a likely looking lad like Larry Wayne?

[mistermack]

They often refuse to obtain Social Security cards or register their vehicles, and they won't carry driver's licenses or use ZIP codes.

I don't suppose he was keen on gun licences then!

Seriously, this is what happens when you don't allow kids to take their machine guns to school. They don't learn responsible gun ownership.

Every american kid should carry a machine gun. Then you wouldn't get all these shootings.
.

[Wumbologist]

They often refuse to obtain Social Security cards or register their vehicles, and they won't carry driver's licenses or use ZIP codes.

I don't suppose he was keen on gun licences then!

Seriously, this is what happens when you don't allow kids to take their machine guns to school. They don't learn responsible gun ownership.

Every american kid should carry a machine gun. Then you wouldn't get all these shootings.
.

Yeah, it's a shame this guy was able to get a gun. If he hadn't been able to get a gun, he never would have been able to find a way to damage that seafood market.