"The Twilight Saga" Conspiracy Theory

[SpeedOfSound]

Young girls impressed by a character in a movie. That's never happened before.

I was walking into the Mall of America theater when this wave of hundreds of tweenie girls came staggering down the narrow hallway next to the defunct Planet Hollywood. I was fucking horrified. Their eyes glistened and they looked strangely dehydrated and hungry. I had no fucking idea that some 'moon' movie was just letting out on opening night. I froze in my tracks trying not to let the scent of my blood waft outward as they brushed past me. I instinctively knew that they would fuckn' eat me if I moved.

Somethings up with that movie!

[Nautilidae]

Young girls impressed by a character in a movie. That's never happened before.

I was walking into the Mall of America theater when this wave of hundreds of tweenie girls came staggering down the narrow hallway next to the defunct Planet Hollywood. I was fucking horrified. Their eyes glistened and they looked strangely dehydrated and hungry. I had no fucking idea that some 'moon' movie was just letting out on opening night. I froze in my tracks trying not to let the scent of my blood waft outward as they brushed past me. I instinctively knew that they would fuckn' eat me if I moved.

Somethings up with that movie!

Did you not read the opening post? This series is governed by the Illuminati.

[Surendra Darathy]

Their eyes glistened and they looked strangely dehydrated and hungry.

All that energy and moisture had gone to dampening their knickers. Better that than whipper snappers.

[rachelbean]

How Twilight Works: http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

There's also some things that one can say about someone who devotes that much energy to directing literary criticism at something like that. Or admits to having read 400 pages of it.

That's blogging for you. Decent writing, though. Pity it's not being directed at something more substantial.

Well, patience is advised.

See how snarkiness just breeds more snarkiness? Why did I waste my time today reading "The Oatmeal"?

Oh, it all stinks of pure futility. I'm so ashamed, now. I'm going to kill myself later today. Maybe Jesus can save me.

Well, I thought it was funny, but I haven't read the books or seen the movies, I just know he described the kids I know who have pretty well. I shudder at the thought, but if I had been a young teenager when they came out I probably would have been into them as well. Instead, I read the vampire chronicles, but at least those vampires were violent and sexual and they definitely didn't sparkle

P.s. The Oatmeal is a fantastic little site for wasting time.

[Nautilidae]

Well, I thought it was funny, but I haven't read the books or seen the movies, I just know he described the kids I know who have pretty well. I shudder at the thought, but if I had been a young teenager when they came out I probably would have been into them as well. Instead, I read the vampire chronicles, but at least those vampires were violent and sexual and they definitely didn't sparkle

In the second Twilight film, New Moon, you observe one vampire decapitate another vampire. If you are one for violence, would you consider that enough?

[Kristie]

Never seen it never will. I don't need to step in shit to know that it's shit.

I was sure it would suck too. I had Netflix send it just so I could say I'd watched it. Turns out, it wasn't too bad. Not great, but not total shit.

You're falling victim to the Illuminati's audio signals. Use your atheistic abilities to see through their dogmatic messages!

Start worrying when I buy tickets to the midnight premiere like some of my friends.

I am guilty of this. I have fallen victim to the Illuminati.

[rachelbean]

Well, I thought it was funny, but I haven't read the books or seen the movies, I just know he described the kids I know who have pretty well. I shudder at the thought, but if I had been a young teenager when they came out I probably would have been into them as well. Instead, I read the vampire chronicles, but at least those vampires were violent and sexual and they definitely didn't sparkle

In the second Twilight film, New Moon, you observe one vampire decapitate another vampire. If you are one for violence, would you consider that enough?

Not nearly enough to sit through the moping and sparkling the rest of the time.

[Nautilidae]

It appears that this is no longer a conspiracy theory thread. This is now a Bash-Twilight thread.

Would everyone mind getting back on topic? I understand that this thread is Twilight-based, but I don't think that many people are discussing the actual theory. Thank you.

[owtth]

It appears that this is no longer a conspiracy theory thread. This is now a Bash-Twilight thread.

Would everyone mind getting back on topic? I understand that this thread is Twilight-based, but I don't think that many people are discussing the actual theory. Thank you.

Did the Beatles have the same technology?


Also Twilight sucks donkey knob

[Nautilidae]

It appears that this is no longer a conspiracy theory thread. This is now a Bash-Twilight thread.

Would everyone mind getting back on topic? I understand that this thread is Twilight-based, but I don't think that many people are discussing the actual theory. Thank you.

Did the Beatles have the same technology?


Also Twilight sucks donkey knob

I see what you did there.

Yes, the Beatles had the same technology. It was lent to them by the Illuminati.

[leo-rcc]

I saw Twilight on the plane to Thailand. The few action scenes were not bad, but I was struggling to find a decent plot and a reason to care if she dies or not.

And as for the "theory", provide the evidence and then we'll talk.

[Nautilidae]

I saw Twilight on the plane to Thailand. The few action scenes were not bad, but I was struggling to find a decent plot and a reason to care if she dies or not.

And as for the "theory", provide the evidence and then we'll talk.

Prove me wrong! Oh, yeah, you can't! Game over.

As for evidence, I have plenty of it. The actress that played Victoria, a vampire from the series, was replaced in the 3rd film. According to the press, this was due to scheduling conflicts. However, when asked, she said that it came as a complete surprise. This is a sign of inconsistency and a cover-up.

The REAL reason why she was replaced is that she knew too much. She discovered that the Illuminati were behind everything. They then brainwashed her and replaced her to make it seem as if nothing had happened.

Check and mate.

[leo-rcc]

I saw Twilight on the plane to Thailand. The few action scenes were not bad, but I was struggling to find a decent plot and a reason to care if she dies or not.

And as for the "theory", provide the evidence and then we'll talk.

Prove me wrong! Oh, yeah, you can't! Game over.

You have no concept of the burden of proof do you?

[Nautilidae]

I saw Twilight on the plane to Thailand. The few action scenes were not bad, but I was struggling to find a decent plot and a reason to care if she dies or not.

And as for the "theory", provide the evidence and then we'll talk.

Prove me wrong! Oh, yeah, you can't! Game over.

You have no concept of the burden of proof do you?

Ah, an excellent excuse. You are simply dodging the question. Can you prove me wrong?

Admit it, you are just unable to accept the fact that the Illuminati are using what you once thought to be an innocent fantasy story as a tool to achieve a New World Order. Just look at my rock solid evidence!

[leo-rcc]

Dude, if you want to Poe, do it over there somewhere.