Priceless Quotes Directed At You By Theists...

[Koss]

"GOD EXISTS. SUCK MY COCK ATHEIST!!!"

"And yes there is evidence for life after death: such as NDE's, Ouija Board experiences, etc. "

"man created machines e.g. motor bikes, cars, planes, lawn mowers etc. They all were designed with specific tasks in mind and have some things in common with each other wheels, engine but did not evolve from each other . So too God created creatures of the Earth each having things in common e.g brain, eyes, mouth. So I say shut your trap open your eyes and put your brain to good use and help those in need."

"there are still apes around how come they havent changed yet just a little because of there dna and became us how come that hasn't happened yet"

And one of my favorites...
"a new species is a a lion and a hippo having sex and having a baby that is a new species not a monkey over generations having a different face, hair, or whatever it still makes i a monkey becuase of its dna we dont have dna that is the same with a monkey"

I still scream at night from the thought of what a lion and a hippo having sex would sound like.

[Babel]

I'll post my favorite for the win.

I had a good collection of sealife fossils I'd collected in MISSOURI, that famous seashore state, and my cousin was looking at them with obvious fascination (AKA "deer in the headlights"). She touched one and said, "I wonder if we're even supposed to ask why God made some creatures out of stone."

Veeerrrrrrryyyyyyy interestink........

(Ok, that's more because of the new avatar than the post itself...)

This was the lady who bought a monitor that rotates because her pictures were printing in portrait instead of landscape. ~$400 monitor. She was sad that it didn't solve her problem.

Procreation is hopefully an enigma to her.
This thread could go into the 'what posts made you laugh' in its entirety.

[Gareth1984]

I got the following response from a creationist on another forum after I responded to the standard creationist canards that he had posted.

"You carry on beleiving in your mythical 'faith' and I'll stick to Jesus. "

[Clinton Huxley]

I had this exchange after accepting a leaflet from some Johnny in the street and then realising that it was some Jeebus tract and pointedly putting it in the nearest bin:-

Theist: "If you don't want that, I'll have it back"
I: "I'm not helping you spread your dogma"
Theist: "That's your problem"
I: "No, it's your problem"

An exchange worthy of Wilde, I'm sure you will agree....

[noncredo]

I got in a car accident a few years ago and a my neighbor told me that if I wasn't an atheist God would have been looking out for me and would have prevented the accident. This same neighbor had been in an accident a year before mine, totaled her car and was in the hospital with a broken back, cracked ribs, and a concussion. I had a minor fender bender and everyone walked away without a scratch...I don't think I want her God looking out for me.

[QuarkyGideon]

I have very few of my own but here's Richie Dee's:



Also one I saw on a topic about on the RDF forum:

"No proof that god does no exist does not prove god does not exist," (after the "prove he doesn't" "we can't but lack of evidence...")

So my few:

"Healthcare is against Jesus's philosophy!"
"Evolution makes people kill each other! That's why I support the biblical world view,"
"The flagellum that you can find on bacterium is proof of complex intelligent design," (by a loving, caring creator)

I have to say I laugh an awful lot now I'm a critic of religion.

[statichaos]

A great one that I read on fundies say the darndest things. I paraphrase, since I don't recall the exact quote.

"Where your Hebrew Bible is in accordance with my King James Bible, your Hebrew Bible is correct. Where your Hebrew Bible differs from my King James Bible, your Hebrew Bible is incorrect."

What I mostly get on a personal level has to do with my religious beliefs. "Do you go to church?" "Yes." "Oh, wonderful! Where?" "Throop Memorial"

Confused look.

"What's that?" "Unitarian Universalist"

Pitying look.

"Well, when you're ready to go to a church that actually believes in something, then come to my church."

Fuckers.

[alphabec]

Ok, this is reaching a bit:

I found this quote in best american non-required reading 2007--so it wasn't exactly directed at me personally.

Apparently I group of creationists offer, at well-known natural monuments such as the Grand Canyon, pamphlets that summarize the "creationist" explanation for the natural wonder and then offers the creationist explanation.

Now, I know fundies say the darndest things, so I shouldn't be too surprised. But I found the following (regarding the Grand Canyon) irrelevant and kind of hilarious:

"The fossils entombed in the sediments of the Canyon also remind us of God's terrible judgement on sin and of the salvation He offers."

Frankly, I think this resembles their reasoning process: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US44caLVA3Q

[Millie]

<snip>
I still scream at night from the thought of what a lion and a hippo having sex would sound like.

... and yes, just a bit disturbing.

[Millie]

There have been many, but this one stuck with me:

"You're over thinking it! Stop trying to 'reason' and just have faith!"


Eh.... no. I'll just keep using my brain thankyouveryfeckingmuch.

[duckcake]

"man created machines e.g. motor bikes, cars, planes, lawn mowers etc. They all were designed with specific tasks in mind and have some things in common with each other wheels, engine but did not evolve from each other . So too God created creatures of the Earth each having things in common e.g brain, eyes, mouth. So I say shut your trap open your eyes and put your brain to good use and help those in need."

Methinks it is like a weasel.

[Koss]

<snip>
I still scream at night from the thought of what a lion and a hippo having sex would sound like.

... and yes, just a bit disturbing.

The great thing about all of this is I get to see an endless sea of remarks that make me burst out in laughter!

Hippo's getting it on with Lions is just an unfortunate side effect of such displays of madness

[Pombolo]

I can't believe this thread is on its second page and no one has mentioned:

"But... look at the trees"

People really do say that folks!

[Skylarking]

I've had a family member tell me they don't go to church, because they don't want some religious guy telling them how to live, but stated that people need religion to be told how to live... As you might be able to deduce, this family member and his wife and children are hypocritical snobs. Theists in the same nebulous manner which theologues argue, so it's relative to the thread.

[MissingNo.]

I can't believe this thread is on its second page and no one has mentioned:

"But... look at the trees"

People really do say that folks!

Ugh. I had that directed to me in an argument IRL. We were both exceedingly drunk and I was being way too polite. I can see why face-to-face arguments about these sorts of things were so difficult. I would let him jabber on about the most inane bullshit for an indefinite amount of time but as soon as I tried to talk, I couldn't get a word in without him interrupting me. I as well as my friends who were present were thoroughly irritated. Ah well, it taught me that I need to be more aggressive in real-life discussions or just abstain from discussing things from pushy loud-mouths like him.

The most irritating part was that he kept going on and on about how the existence god is just a personal feeling he has and he's not trying to convince anyone but the next minute he would start going "Look at the trees! Look at the sky! There must be a god!" I didn't even get the chance to point out that he can't claim it's just a personal feeling then start providing "evidence" for his beliefs because he would not shut the fuck up.