Alternate lyrics for "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music.
Things Creationists Hate
Thermodynamics and closing the system,
DNA helix and techs that can twist 'em,
Egyptian history without a flood break,
These are the things that creationists hate.
Wallace and Darwin and Einstein and Hawking
Asimov, Sagan and Shermer - how shocking!
Eldrige and Gould and their colleagues to date :
These are the people creationists hate.
People who know how to work with statistics,
Fossils that flesh out the map of cladistics,
Models that show how the genomes mutate,
These are the things that creationists hate.
When the fundies
Purge the textbooks,
And the schools beset,
I mention the things that creationists hate,
And that gets them all upset!
Hate the scien-
tific method;
Made up their own way :
"You must take as fact the bible
Or at least the parts we say!"
There are more species than one ark could carry,
Lightspeed inside of a vacuum won't vary,
Isotopes melt at a consistent rate,
These are the things that creationists hate.
Transitional fossils that show speciation,
Galapagos finches and random mutation,
Isotopic decay at predictable rates,
These are the things that creationists hate.
The orbit of planets is heliocentric,
Science and reason are now epidemic,
God's love to me seems a bit more like hate,
These are the things that creationists hate.
Pagan witches,
Darwin fishes
Seem to make them mad.
So they just cling to their bibles and shout
"Everything else iiiiiis bad!"
Fossil records,
Plate tectonics,
Make them really blue.
But if they relied on their mythos for food,
They wouldn't know what to do!
Well before Darwin, geologists began
Establishing that the earth's much older than
Jim Usher said, and that science refuses
To yield up the proof of a flood for the pews.
Physics has all those embarrassing laws,
Like rates of decay for the isotopes. Cause
Of the rainbow is really refraction of light,
They twist it to prove the great Book - that ain't right.
Old-Earthers think the Young-Earthers too zealous,
Young-Earthers think the Old-Earthers bad fellas.
Seeking the ark, they make trips down to Turk-
ey, each says the other's obstructing their work.
Noah's shi-ip
Seems to sli-ip
Past discovery.
Dozens say that they've found it,
But yet no recovery!
I forgot to write that the author is unknown. I didn't write it.
