All things Boris: has it really come to this?

[Scot Dutchy]

[Scot Dutchy]

Tory triumphalism will anger voters facing empty shelves and a fuel famine

Boosterish blabber about ‘levelling up’ will ring particularly hollow if the living standards of millions of people are being crunched down

If a week is a long time in politics, 24 months is an eternity. Tories are gathering in Manchester highly conscious that their party last met for an in-person conference two tumultuous years ago. Since he last strutted on a conference stage, Boris Johnson has divorced his second wife, married his third, won his party a fourth consecutive term and had what he says is his sixth child (other estimates are available).

He has bungled his way through a pandemic that almost killed him, in both the literal and political senses, before the vaccination cavalry rode to the rescue. He has wrenched Britain out of the EU after unlawfully proroguing parliament, purging Remainers from his party and beguiling opposition leaders into foolishly letting him have an early general election.

At their first non-virtual conference since that election, even the most Johnson-sceptical Tories will salute him for winning it large. Conservatives like power and they will forgive a lot in a man who secured their largest majority since Margaret Thatcher’s 1987 landslide. Talking of whom, some of Mr Johnson’s more overexcitable under-strappers hailed the ruthlessness of his recent reshuffle as evidence that he is in “invincible mode” and plans to outdo the Iron Lady’s 11 years at Number 10. Before they are entirely consumed by hubris, someone at that address ought to brush up on the classics. When victorious Roman generals paraded through the streets before worshipping crowds they were accompanied by a slave whose role was to continuously whisper an ego-checking message in the commander’s ear: “Memento mori.”

Pure Chumocracy.

[Svartalf]

Maybe he's finished and he'll have to retire from politics... but how long till he loses grip on the tory party and gets ousted?

[Scot Dutchy]

I think the problem lies with the tory party as they have no opposition. Johnson is the one that introduced Chumocracy and there are plenty in the party that owe him one as a result. Even though he is useless and a fool plenty in the party like what he is doing which is nothing. Until the opposition get themselves organised I dont see the status quo changing much especially with the ever increasing corruption in British politics which is enforcing the one party state.

[Svartalf]

chumocracy wasn't practiced for centuries? I'll grant that the tories seem to have become noticeably worse since maggie, but to pretend that government has not been an old boys club since at least the georges, that feels strange.

[Scot Dutchy]

Johnson's version is a modern version. The "old boy's club" was slightly different; money was not the fundamental but it was about power. Chumocracy is all about money especially tax money.

[Scot Dutchy]

For his sake, and Britain’s, now is the time for Boris Johnson to ride off into the sunset

He could resume his career as an entertainer and we might get a PM worthy of the office


At the end of The Magnificent Seven, most delightful of all westerns, there is a scene in which the elderly Mexican village sage says to Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen: “Your work is done.” It was time for the farmers to take over again. Following which, the two gunfighters rode away, to massacre evildoers elsewhere.

We shall dismiss scepticism about whether Boris Johnson can plausibly be compared to either Brynner or McQueen, but suggest that this is a good moment for the prime minister’s chums to put to him the old Mexican’s proposition: “Your work is done.” We might then return our governance to people willing to be interested not in farming, but instead boring stuff such as keeping the gas on and making sure children attend school.

What’s more, how do we keep Britain functioning between today and Christmas, when the foreign lorry drivers’ and turkey-feeders’ temporary visas will expire? There is no immediate prospect of evicting the incumbent from Downing Street against his, or perhaps Mrs Johnson’s, wishes.

It may be possible, however, to start convincing the couple that their interests would be well served by an early bath. The prime minister could tell his host of admirers that he has delivered Brexit and the Covid vaccination programme and averted a Corbyn premiership.

Whatever view we take of his record, he is assured of many pages in the history of the times. Only Nigel Farage has been more influential in reshaping our politics. Johnson can resume his rightful career as an entertainer. His memoirs, entwined with the diaries that he has assuredly been keeping (to the discomfiture of everyone who has spoken to him privately since he took office) will be worth millions. He might explore new terrain by becoming a devoted family man.

Almost none of the above is designedly facetious. If Johnson quits soon, he can remain famous, become rich and escape the protracted descent awaiting him if he lingers, eventually to vanish beneath the flock of poultry returning to roost in Downing Street.

[Scot Dutchy]

Tetchy Boris tries to play down shortages as bumps on the Brexit road

There had definitely been small print, it’s just that no one had got round to reading it

Rejoice. Queues at petrol stations. Food shortages. Gas price rises. If you thought they were a sign of the country falling apart then think again. They’re actually a pointer to just how well things are going. Rather than moaning about people panic-buying diesel, we should be thrilled so many want to make sure they’ve got enough fuel to get them to the HGV training centre. Same with empty supermarket shelves. A symbol of just how much everyone is now eating. As for the gas price rises? Perhaps it would be best to ignore them as they don’t quite fit the new normal. An outlier.

Not that Boris Johnson seemed that thrilled to be given the opportunity to explain how everything was going entirely to plan on the Andrew Marr show in the traditional leader’s interview on the first day of the Conservative party conference. Rather he seemed tetchy and defensive, as he so often is these days. His self-confidence is a paper-thin veneer that can’t disguise a man with no self-worth.

Or self-awareness, for that matter. It’s hard to tell if he’s merely a pathological liar these days or if he just has a desperate need to reconstruct reality to accommodate his narcissism. Earlier that day he had been photographed going for a run in a white shirt and black walking shoes. We now have to accept that he’s possibly not just a fun-guy oddball but someone having a breakdown before our eyes

Marr looked understandably perplexed. Not only had the Road Haulage Association written to the prime minister warning of problems back in June – their letter had been ignored – but almost everything Boris was saying was total doggybollox. He talked of cheap overseas labour not being the solution, seemingly unaware his own government had offered emergency short-term visas. Anyone who wanted a Christmas dinner was advised to go abroad to buy some mechanically reclaimed turkey.

Johnson should have been a comedy writer.

[Svartalf]

There are no 'bumps' on that road, it's one giant pothole from start to horizon.

[Scot Dutchy]

There are no 'bumps' on that road, it's one giant pothole from start to horizon.

Dont tell the Brits that as they think (well the 1% and Brexiteers do) they live in a paradise.

[Scot Dutchy]

The problem is the Brits have the same mentality as the Yanks; they think the rest of the world is like them and suffer just as much.

[Brian Peacock]

Apparently Boris is going to be holding a Trump style rally to close the Tories autumn conference.

[JimC]

MEGA...

(stuff the Welsh and Scots, it's England he will want to be great again...)

[Scot Dutchy]

Apparently Boris is going to be holding a Trump style rally to close the Tories autumn conference.

Well it worked for Trump; didn't it?

[Brian Peacock]

Yeah. Massively massaged his ego and sense of potency.