Local news...not The Onion

[Tero]

I saw this very thing in an Icelandic movie once. But don't I think the local drunk saw the movie, so this was original.
https://www.1011now.com/2021/03/29/lpd- ... toxicated/

[Tero]

Florida man drives thru NE with 14 ATMs and a safe in a truck. Inside all of them was..
https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/03/troo ... atms-safe/
I believe he was coming from Colorado, half way through NE.

[Tero]

Man carrying 570 000 in drug money crashes into bus carrying high school girls sports team. Man not from Florida.
https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/06/linc ... stigation/

[Tero]

Pot, meth...tomahawk
LPD: Man arrested with meth, marijuana and tomahawk in car
https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/11/lpd- ... wk-in-car/

[Tero]

When lost,eat moss!

UTAH COUNTY, Utah (KSTU) - A Utah woman was found camping in a canyon five months after she was reported missing. She survived the winter by eating grass and moss.
https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/05/woma ... ah-canyon/

[Cunt]

5 months...shit

Weird that they didn't say much about her. I would guess, from the tent being tidy and orderly, and the missing bits of the story, that she was a bit nutty.

Whether that was why she stayed alone for months, or a result, is hard to say, but holy shit it must have been cold.

[Tero]

You can't even masturbate in your own car anymore.
https://www.klkntv.com/lso-man-cited-fo ... walgreens/

[Tero]

Pointing gun while driving? Aren't you supposed to shoot it?
And always leave the meth home when carrying illefal gun!

A 37-year-old Valparaiso man was arrested Tuesday night after allegedly pointing a gun at another driver along U.S. 34 near Fallbrook in northwest Lincoln.

Lancaster County Sheriff Terry Wagner said that at about 7:15 p.m. deputies went out on a 38-year-old man's report of a road rage incident where the driver pointed a gun at him.

The suspect was last seen heading north on U.S. 34.

Wagner said deputies spotted the vehicle near Raymond and arrested Justin Ericson on suspicion of terroristic threats and possession of a firearm by a prohibited person, possession of methamphetamine and driving under suspension.

[Tero]

Always put your pot and oxycontin in 2 apartments
https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/25/lpd- ... coln-home/
if your partner runs off with it, well, you have the gun

[Cunt]

[Tero]

https://www.1011now.com/2021/05/30/drug ... of-cheese/

[Sean Hayden]

Yeah, that's not disturbing.

[Brian Peacock]

I guess he was feeling a tad bleu after that.

[Tero]

Area man makes threat with knife
https://www.1011now.com/2021/06/02/lpd- ... eing-loud/
if he really meant it he would have used a gun.

[Tero]

After what Packard estimated to be about 30 seconds in the mammal's mandibles, he said the whale surfaced quickly and spit him out.
"All of a sudden he went up to the surface and just erupted and started shaking his head," Packard said. "I just got thrown in the air, and landed in the water and I was free and I just floated there."