Should I Shoot My Neighbour?

[pErvinalia]

He comes onto my property to mow my lawn while he's doing his. I've only got a small amount of lawn. Should I kill him (or perhaps just blow a kneecap out)?

[JimC]

Lie on your patch of grass stark bollocks naked when he starts up the motor mower. He will probably not run the mower over you. If he does, it will be a cheap Brazilian...

[pErvinalia]

But I shouldn't have to. He's improving my land and therefore trying to take over it by the principles of Libertarianism. I am morally right to fill him full of lead.

[Brian Peacock]

No you're not. You're morally obliged to buy a gun and let him know that you're within your rights to use it if he forces his horticultural beliefs on you. I suggest something pretty hefty you can wave around just to let him know that you can easily overwhelm him. Or you could leave him in no doubt by photographing his children at the school gates, drawing a red target on the images with a sharpie, and posting them through his letter box. All this is fine if all you're doing is defending your god-given not to be forced to live by his rules.

[Sean Hayden]

All good suggestions. But keep in mind that it takes just a fraction of a second for an enraged lunatic with a self-propelled mower to flip the switch to rabbit mode and mow your ass down. Be prepared to shoot to kill. It may save your life.

[pErvinalia]

I'm of that view. Shoot first, ask questions later..

[cronus]

You don't know his real motives for doing you a good turn. He may be casing the joint. Wait and he'll burglarize you. Something similar happened to me in my youth. Had my hi-fi and some cash stolen. Knew who it was. Nothing to do with me when he had his head bashed in a month or two later, though. That was pure honest divine intervention. So wait, buy the bullets but don't use them straight away. Maybe someone else will shoot him before you have too?

[cronus]

You don't know his real motives for doing you a good turn. He may be casing the joint. Wait and he'll burglarize you. Something similar happened to me in my youth. Had my hi-fi and some cash stolen. Knew who it was. Nothing to do with me when he had his head bashed in a month or two later, though. That was pure honest divine intervention. So wait, buy the bullets but don't use them straight away. Maybe someone else will shoot him before you have too?

[mistermack]

This thread is ridiculous.
Why would you arm yourself with a gun, just to deal with a mower-man?

It's obvious that every citizen should be carrying a concealed mower, so as to be ready to leap into action, should some crazed mower-man try to take out a horticultural crowd.

[pErvinalia]

I'm thinking about killing him with a clothes peg. I don't need a gun. Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

[cronus]

I'm thinking about killing him with a clothes peg. I don't need a gun. Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Ebola is better at killing people. Have you considered that?

[pErvinalia]

No. Good point. I'm going to order a Liberian online now..

[laklak]

Make sure you choose Two Day Delivery, they'll be rotting by the time regular postal delivery rocks up.

[pErvinalia]

Actually, I'll just order the eyeballs. Ebola lives in them for ages..

[laklak]

Good idea. You could spread them over the yard, and when he mows over them they'll splatter Ebola infected eye pus all over him. But you should eat a couple of them first, to build your immunity.