Some of the biblical God's greatest bloopers

[pErvinalia]

Paging a moderator/admin, STAT!

Moved all the shit to where it belongs. I think we can officially classify him as a spammer now hopefully

[pErvinalia]

Who knows? Who cares?

You, apparently. You talk about God more than anyone else here.

[piscator]

Paging a moderator/admin, STAT!

Moved all the shit to where it belongs. I think we can officially classify him as a spammer now hopefully

I still think the Metatron wakes up some mornings with a bad taste in his mouth, a full tank of gas in his car, and a pocket full of $5 bills he has no idea how he came by.

[pErvinalia]

Yeah, I strongly suspect this too. Poor fellow is a gay Christian. No wonder he's keen to rewrite the bible.

[piscator]

...And get the most powerful CB radio he can afford!

[tattuchu]

God made my penis too small. Therefore he doesn't exist. Or is a cruel god. Or an incompetent god. Or, since I'm made in his image, he's a little prick. A little prick, in fact, that currently can't cum because he's on medication.

[Hermit]

Well, there was Lilith.

Not according to the Bible. Link

[piscator]

Well, there was Lilith.

Not according to the Bible lameassed link I found. Link

Read it yourself:

Genesis 1:
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day

Genesis II

1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
...

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

[Hermit]

Well, there was Lilith.

Not according to the Bible lameassed link I found. Link

Read it yourself:

Genesis 1:
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day

Genesis II

1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
...

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

No Lilith to be found. Not even in Genesis 2:24, which comes closes to mentioning anyone other than Adam and Rib.

[piscator]

Well, there was Lilith.

Not according to the Bible lameassed link I found. Link

Read it yourself:

Genesis 1:
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day

Genesis II

1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
...

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

No Lilith to be found. Not even in Genesis 2:24, which comes closes to mentioning anyone other than Adam and Rib.

Lilith is the female who predated Rib and even the Talking Snake. Never been to a feminist bookstore?

[Hermit]

Lilith is the female who predated Rib and even the Talking Snake.

Unbiblical.

[piscator]

Gen. 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

[Hermit]

Still can't see Lilith. The Who got closer than the Bible.

[Seth]

The Bible does not explain how Adam and Eve's son procreated without committing incest.

Is the Bible required to do so?

Who said it is? The facts remain that Cain had no known way of not committing incest when he procreated and the holy text of Christendom condemns incest. Bloop.

That was later, occasioned by an amendment in the Law by God. He had to get things started somehow...

[Seth]

Well, there was Lilith.

Not according to the Bible lameassed link I found. Link

Read it yourself:

Genesis 1:
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day

Genesis II

1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
...

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Okay, here we go: "male and female created he them." No specification of the number attached to "them," so God could have created lots of different men and women.

"but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him." Singular. It says that ADAM had no "help meet," not that there were no other females or males created.

"And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

"made he A woman..." Singular. God made a singular woman and brought her to "the man" ie: Adam. No mention of other men or women.

So here's how I see it: God made humans, male and female, in unknown quantities. However, Adam had special duties, including naming all the birds and beasts, and he needed special help to do that, so God created a specific, special woman for him out of his rib.

Therefore there may have been entire populations that were ordered to "be fruitful and multiply."

Problem solved.