When men were real men

[camoguard]

I figured real men wrote software when they weren't winning video game championships in dashing displays leaving their significant others breathless. I wasn't sure if that was on topic anymore due to the magic power of the forum.

[JimC]

I have no hair on my chest...

[laklak]

Me neither, but God has recently blessed me with an abundance of ear hair.

[Bella Fortuna]

I have no hair on my chest...

You say this as if it's a bad thing...

[rainbow]

Chest hair catches the quiche.

[Sean Hayden]

[piscator]

I couldn't be a girl if I tried. So I don't try.

I had a girl wake me up in the middle of the night because she said the boat didn't feel right during her wheel watch. Right then, alarms started sounding on the bridge.
Turns out a man had failed to properly dog a lazarette hatch cover, which cover had almost left the vessel, and the bilge pump couldn't keep up because it was clogged with a fucking plastic grocery bag. What's more, the soda cans and shit rolling around in there had broke the fuck out of the bilge alarm float switches somewhere early along the way.
This I had to find out on the very ass-end of the boat, by holding my breath and crawling into a flooded claustrophobic compartment with a flashlight and headlamp at 3AM in a half-gale and 12' seas. The boat 'didn't feel right' because there was about 11 tons of seawater of seawater sloshing around in the goddamn lazarette.

After we pumped it out and I set the whole crew to repairing the near fucking shipwreck they had caused, I made the girl cook us all eggs Benedict for breakfast. Coming inside and cooking in 12' seas was her reward for waking me up before we all perished at sea.

I stayed alone in the wheelhouse for about 14 hours before I could stand to look at any of the miserable goddamn pathetic daysailing slimechuckers I had the acute misfortune to allow on my boat.

I'm still fucking bitter about it.

[JimC]

Chest hair catches the quiche.

A very crummy post...

[pErvinalia]

You can have some of my chest hair, Jim. I've got enough to spare...

[JimC]

You can have some of my chest hair, Jim. I've got enough to spare...

[mistermack]

Real men didn't do poncy jobs like writing software.
They made things. With their hands.

[laklak]

Could a Real Man (tm) make a quiche?

[mistermack]

Could a Real Man (tm) make a quiche?

A real man wouldn't even be seen eating one.

[laklak]

I stayed alone in the wheelhouse for about 14 hours before I could stand to look at any of the miserable goddamn pathetic daysailing slimechuckers I had the acute misfortune to allow on my boat.

I'm still fucking bitter about it.

The level of incompetence of most "mariners" is appalling. Couple of months ago I had my larger boat out, testing some repairs to the motors. It's not a huge thing, 27 foot cuddy cabin, twin outboards, but it's fairly heavy and not particularly quick. I was in the channel between Anna Maria Island and the mainland, doing maybe 15 knots. The channel is quite narrow at that point, no more than 50 feet or so, with rapidly shoaling oyster beds on either side. Some gold chain hairy chest idiot came barreling towards me in one of those massive poker run speed boats, had to be doing 50 knots, throwing a 4 foot wake. I give one blast and move starboard. He moves to port. I give him another blast and hold course. He holds course. I hit two long blasts and go hard to port because he's about to fucking ram me. He finally sees me and moves to fucking STARBOARD, dead ahead, collision course, and he won't cut speed. He starts blasting his fucking horn like he's driving a fucking car. I hit the throttles and run the bow up on the oyster beds as he passes, shouting curses at me. His wake picks me up and spins me 180 and I'm aground on an oyster bed looking at his ass as he weaves about in the channel, scattering small craft and missing a fucking sailboat by inches. Honestly, had I had a gun with me I'd have shot his ass. I radioed the CG and reported him, but didn't get his reg number. Why the fuck do you need a license to drive a Prius around town, but any asshole with money can buy a 1000 horsepower, 40 foot penis extension without even a cursory knowledge of navigation rules?

[Svartalf]

Could a Real Man (tm) make a quiche?

A real man wouldn't even be seen eating one.

You calling me something?

Pints at dawn it is.