Manipulation

[Lozzer]

Can anyone help me with this? It's really getting on my nerves. In my home I often have my mates round for beers and shit. Rarely do they listen to me, or do what I say even when I ask politely. When I get frustrated they assume I'm 'starting' on them and give me the evil eye which makes me back down. I'm small and skinny and I receive little respect from anyone. I'm trusted as a source for information with regards to things such as history and science etc by many people, but when people openly admit their ignorance and find it funny compelled to educate them--guess what, I get told to shut up.

I'm really fed up of being stepped on, I believe its my own routine of behaviour that's got me into this mess. Acting crazy and being the joker gets you no where other than ridicule when people have finished laughing. I'm respect by my other buddies (which is a very small number) who I consider my equals. When I talk to them I have the opportunity to discuss politics, current affairs and the rest, but this is rare as they all of them are adults so I naturally get treated fairly.

But I want respect from peers my own age. I want respect, and I want to be able to manipulate them like they do to me. Problem is, this requires a very large and dominating physique--something I lack. Is there any alternative way? From what I understand I'll probably have to change completely but I think its worth it.
This is idealistic I know, but I need to dictate the weak-minded and the dumb if I'm to have any confidence in my future life, and its necessary that I become a figure of authority if I'm to gain fortitude and protect my well-being now, and in the future.








I should stop making my self seem like a potential Hitler on the internet, but I can't without the closure of having a means to an end.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

The first thing to learn is that you can't please everyone. If you try to manipulate people into giving you respect, some of them will simply fuck off. You need to be prepared to lose friendships in order to advance your own status - perhaps most of your current friendships. Is that what you want?

[Lozzer]

The first thing to learn is that you can't please everyone. If you try to manipulate people into giving you respect, some of them will simply fuck off. You need to be prepared to lose friendships in order to advance your own status - perhaps most of your current friendships. Is that what you want?

If needs be yes.

But then again I'm a heartless bastard anyway.

[Don't Panic]

Step one: Read this.

[Lozzer]

Step one: Read this.

What is it about?

I already own The Art of Rhetoric by Aristotle if that would help me?

[Don't Panic]

Step one: Read this.

What is it about?

I already own The Art of Rhetoric by Aristotle if that would help me?

It may a first step to changing the way you view the world.

It's fairly short, shouldn't take you too long to read.

[charlou]

Looking at what you can change about yourself to improve things is obviously a good first step (too many people are unwilling to do this, instead pointing at everyone else as the source of their problems) and I think you're probably right about the reason some people don't take you seriously. You've established an expectation in them that you'll behave in a certain way and they feel most comfortable keeping you at that level in the social pecking order. You can change people's view of you by changing your outlook (DP's suggestion), and acting in accordance with your own view (which can include incorporating others' views and fair compromise). You've said you're not concerned about losing 'friends', which may happen when people become uncomfortable with you no longer performing in accordance with their expectations. Who really wants friends who don't allow you to develop and grow as an individual? Develop who you want to be and be consistent in your demeanor and behaviour when responding to others ... eventually they'll get a grip on the fact that you're maturing and will accept that you're changing. They'll either accommodate that or not, and that's their issue.

Size ... I can think of many people of slight build/stature who have an air of self assurance which comes across in their stance, their composure, their confidence in their world view, etc.

If you can make decisions and take actions that make you feel good about yourself and your place in the world, others will be aware of it. Rather than wanting to actively manipulate others, work on improving and being happy with yourself and let others consider your example.

[Beelzebub2]

Looking at what you can change about yourself to improve things is obviously a good first step (too many people are unwilling to do this, instead pointing at everyone else as the source of their problems) and I think you're probably right about the reason some people don't take you seriously. You've established an expectation in them that you'll behave in a certain way and they feel most comfortable keeping you at that level in the social pecking order. You can change people's view of you by changing your outlook (DP's suggestion), and acting in accordance with your own view (which can include incorporating others' views and fair compromise). You've said you're not concerned about losing 'friends', which may happen when people become uncomfortable with you no longer performing in accordance with their expectations. Who really wants friends who don't allow you to develop and grow as an individual? Develop who you want to be and be consistent in your demeanor and behaviour when responding to others ... eventually they'll get a grip on the fact that you're maturing and will accept that you're changing. They'll either accommodate that or not, and that's their issue.

Size ... I can think of many people of slight build/stature who have an air of self assurance which comes across in their stance, their composure, their confidence in their world view, etc.

If you can make decisions and take actions that make you feel good about yourself and your place in the world, others will be aware of it. Rather than wanting to actively manipulate others, work on improving and being happy with yourself and let others consider your example.

+1

Running after respectability can be a dead end street - who really wants to be respected by those that don't except and respect you as you are? Why change, conform only to fit to their artificial pattern? We're all individuals, at least we should strive to be. The only thing that really matters is what you think of you, and not how much ego boost you can induce from others. Gratification is a pleasant thing, but it makes you dependent.

[Lozzer]

Looking at what you can change about yourself to improve things is obviously a good first step (too many people are unwilling to do this, instead pointing at everyone else as the source of their problems) and I think you're probably right about the reason some people don't take you seriously. You've established an expectation in them that you'll behave in a certain way and they feel most comfortable keeping you at that level in the social pecking order. You can change people's view of you by changing your outlook (DP's suggestion), and acting in accordance with your own view (which can include incorporating others' views and fair compromise). You've said you're not concerned about losing 'friends', which may happen when people become uncomfortable with you no longer performing in accordance with their expectations. Who really wants friends who don't allow you to develop and grow as an individual? Develop who you want to be and be consistent in your demeanor and behaviour when responding to others ... eventually they'll get a grip on the fact that you're maturing and will accept that you're changing. They'll either accommodate that or not, and that's their issue.

Size ... I can think of many people of slight build/stature who have an air of self assurance which comes across in their stance, their composure, their confidence in their world view, etc.

If you can make decisions and take actions that make you feel good about yourself and your place in the world, others will be aware of it. Rather than wanting to actively manipulate others, work on improving and being happy with yourself and let others consider your example.

Exactly, thanks

Are you a psychologist by any chance?lol


What I've found, is that I really annoy people. I abandoned school at the age of 14 years old, I wasn't intelligent but I was insane. This insanity got me everywhere while at the same time no where. I was just the sproggy kid who got stoned and improvised songs to make people laugh. I tailed behind the more assertive and popular and my name became synonymous with them and people considered me dependant. When allot of drama broke out, I went home and stayed there (for once) and began to read--to relate, to revise to regain a higher position which was safer and more permanent.
Since then, I'm an authority on many subjects but not an authority . When someone tries to outwit me, in say, political affairs I rebuke them and in good measure I come across as a condescending cock. This wouldn't be a bad thing, but I haven't the authority to pull it off, and so instead of people accepting my refutations, they belittle me instead.

The backlash of following my wish really wouldn't matter much, for months people have already told me 'I've changed'. They have my dearest sympathies, but I don't particularly want to be their bitch any more.

[Achtland]

i have encountered people doing this to me at school and no matter what people say on here i am still a cock in real life and will be one till i die.
to me you have two choses
1. put up with it and be miserable and frustrated about it
2. find new people who are your equals and make you feel worth more and can understand your other behaviour



the last thing u should do is stop being how you are online. i for one would not enjoy the forum as much if you did

[Law's Wolf]

One of the things I have found to work fairly well for me (I was stepped on when I was younger in a very similar manner) is moving and talking with confidence at all times. I stand up straight, sit straight, and walk as if I am in charge. I talk with authority in my voice and place myself in a position of subconscious power but superficial equality.

It helps that I know a lot and can work around people, it helps that I have learned a lot of self control and have spent so much time in my own head thinking (I am an introvert).

Those who have the capacity to respect me, respect me. Those who can not respect me do not respect anyone but typically do not voice any objections to me where I can hear them.

I wish I could be of more help.

[FBM]

Lozzer, lift weights. You mentioned that your size is at least a significant part of the problem, but you're trying to find an easy way out of actually addressing that part of the problem. Problem: you're small, minimally-muscled. Solution: lift weights. Manipulation and other tactics are poor solutions, and often cause more problems than they solve.

I was just about the smallest and skinniest kid in school, and was treated as such. When I got to college, I met a guy who was into powerlifting/bodybuilding. I pumped iron and enjoyed it for 5 or so years before I realized I'd got unhealthily big. Now I'm smaller, but still more muscular than any of my friends. Lift weights until you're satisfied with your size, then keep a moderate exercise regimen to maintain the size you're comfortable with. You'll never regret it, and your mental/emotional wellbeing will be enhanced, too.

[Lozzer]

Lozzer, lift weights. You mentioned that your size is at least a significant part of the problem, but you're trying to find an easy way out of actually addressing that part of the problem. Problem: you're small, minimally-muscled. Solution: lift weights. Manipulation and other tactics are poor solutions, and often cause more problems than they solve.

I was just about the smallest and skinniest kid in school, and was treated as such. When I got to college, I met a guy who was into powerlifting/bodybuilding. I pumped iron and enjoyed it for 5 or so years before I realized I'd got unhealthily big. Now I'm smaller, but still more muscular than any of my friends. Lift weights until you're satisfied with your size, then keep a moderate exercise regimen to maintain the size you're comfortable with. You'll never regret it, and your mental/emotional wellbeing will be enhanced, too.

I've tried that before, but I gave up. It requires too much of a healthy diet and lifestyle. I'm 5'6, 8 and a half stone, I eat one meal a day and smoking thousands of cigarettes and drinking lots of tea gets me through my week. I have no muscle mass at all, sometimes I find it hard to do anything as it feels like my bones are too much for the little strength I have to control. I suffer from severe tremors and I find it hard to participate in any physical exertion. I have frequent shooting pains in my chest and I constantly feel as if my body is failing me.

All this could be solved if I quit smoking, but I can't quit. And besides that, it would take a long time for me to bulk up if I did.

[FBM]

I've tried that before, but I gave up. It requires too much of a healthy diet and lifestyle. I'm 5'6, 8 and a half stone, I eat one meal a day and smoking thousands of cigarettes and drinking lots of tea gets me through my week. I have no muscle mass at all, sometimes I find it hard to do anything as it feels like my bones are too much for the little strength I have to control. I suffer from severe tremors and I find it hard to participate in any physical exertion. I have frequent shooting pains in my chest and I constantly feel as if my body is failing me.

All this could be solved if I quit smoking, but I can't quit. And besides that, it would take a long time for me to bulk up if I did.

OK, in that case all I can advise is 'Get used to it'.

[Lozzer]

I've tried that before, but I gave up. It requires too much of a healthy diet and lifestyle. I'm 5'6, 8 and a half stone, I eat one meal a day and smoking thousands of cigarettes and drinking lots of tea gets me through my week. I have no muscle mass at all, sometimes I find it hard to do anything as it feels like my bones are too much for the little strength I have to control. I suffer from severe tremors and I find it hard to participate in any physical exertion. I have frequent shooting pains in my chest and I constantly feel as if my body is failing me.

All this could be solved if I quit smoking, but I can't quit. And besides that, it would take a long time for me to bulk up if I did.

OK, in that case all I can advise is 'Get used to it'.

:-|