Cats

[John_fi_Skye]

So, I was not long up, and I still had my dressing gown on, but I’d fed the cats and was just enjoying my third sip of coffee, when the back-door bell rang. It has frosted glass in, so as I went towards it it seemed to me I was going to be meeting somebody female and blonde. I opened the door, and right enough there was this very presentable, early-thirties lass, smiling and looking up at our bird feeders, which are high up on the wee lamp-post we’ve got a matter of twelve feet from the back door.

“Your bird feeders are very high up,” she mused. Do you have to climb up a ladder every time you need to fill them?”

“No,” I said, only slightly surprised at her conversation opener. (I often get nice young women coming to the back door while I’m still in my pyjamas, chatting me up with all sorts of topics.) “I use the long pole with the hook on the end that we normally use to pull the ladder down so we can get into the loft. I lift them off the hooks they’re hanging on.”

I could see my repartee was impressing her. “So, you’re a dead-eye,” she breathed. “Must give your neighbours hours of fun – watching the birds.”

Morag, across the way, is the only one who has an eyeline to the lamp-post, and she’s 85 and doesn’t see all that well, but I let that one go. “It certainly gives the cats hours of fun.”

“So, now that I’ve brought you to the door, can I ask you if you’re a spiritual person?” she smiled.

I wasn’t sure whether the feeling in my carotid artery was caused by fangs. “No,” I replied, feeling almost as if the door didn’t want to close: “I’m an atheist and a humanist celebrant.”

“Ah!” She seized on it, like a cat on a bird. “Humanism’s spiritual.”

“No, it isn’t,” I said, and the door was responding better to my push.

“I know a humanist celebrant whose ceremonies include a spiritual element,” she said, no doubt referring to a daft woman of German origin, who lives 24 miles down the road, and will do any kind of ceremony you want to pay for, with any god or none.

“Look,” I said, opening my door wide, knowing I was safe now from claws and canines, “being an atheist, in my lifetime I’ve had many conversations with religious folk, and I don’t want another one.”

“Fair enough,” she said, with a smile a bit like a cat’s, just before my door gave its polite click.

They don’t give up, do they? We've decided we're going to get a sign that says, "Beware of the atheist."

[charlou]

Ahhh hehehe ...

My door's instinct would have been towards closing just before I returned to my real cat, who has far more sense than any of us, I'm sure.

[FBM]

John, I don't know your marital status, but from the way you wrote that, sounds kinda like you may have missed out on a quick shag. I'd be a Hare fucking Krishna for an hour or two for a quick shag.

[Hermit]

“Humanism’s spiritual.”

Arrrgh! Humanism is, uhm, human.

You have a nice way with words, John_fi_Skye. That's a very floaty kind of a short short story.

[JimC]

I have a very cold stare, and a way of saying "Goodbye" that underlines the stare...

[charlou]

“Humanism’s spiritual.”

You have a nice way with words, John_fi_Skye. That's a very floaty kind of a short short story.

Aye.

[John_fi_Skye]

John, I don't know your marital status, but from the way you wrote that, sounds kinda like you may have missed out on a quick shag. I'd be a Hare fucking Krishna for an hour or two for a quick shag.

Great idea - thanks, FBM. I'll suggest it for next time, and let you know what Mrs _fi_Skye says.

Jim Casey had lots of success blurring the boundary between the spiritual and the sexual, and so did that Waco wacko - what was his name? Koresh, or something?

Yep, must do that.

[John_fi_Skye]

“Humanism’s spiritual.”

Arrrgh! Humanism is, uhm, human.

You have a nice way with words, John_fi_Skye. That's a very floaty kind of a short short story.

Thanks, Seraph. You have a very floaty name.

[maiforpeace]

They don't give up, but she was polite and not too pushy at least.

[FBM]

John, I don't know your marital status, but from the way you wrote that, sounds kinda like you may have missed out on a quick shag. I'd be a Hare fucking Krishna for an hour or two for a quick shag.

Great idea - thanks, FBM. I'll suggest it for next time, and let you know what Mrs _fi_Skye says.

Ah. Yeah. Gotcha. I'm unhitched, thus my first interest...

Jim Casey had lots of success blurring the boundary between the spiritual and the sexual, and so did that Waco wacko - what was his name? Koresh, or something?

Yep, must do that.

"...for an hour or two for a quick shag." But, yeah, I know. That only works in pr0n movies. IRL, that'd turn into weeks of headaches, at the least. Spiritual humanist types can be quite clingy.

[John_fi_Skye]

John, I don't know your marital status, but from the way you wrote that, sounds kinda like you may have missed out on a quick shag. I'd be a Hare fucking Krishna for an hour or two for a quick shag.

Great idea - thanks, FBM. I'll suggest it for next time, and let you know what Mrs _fi_Skye says.

Ah. Yeah. Gotcha. I'm unhitched, thus my first interest...

Jim Casey had lots of success blurring the boundary between the spiritual and the sexual, and so did that Waco wacko - what was his name? Koresh, or something?

Yep, must do that.

"...for an hour or two for a quick shag." But, yeah, I know. That only works in pr0n movies. IRL, that'd turn into weeks of headaches, at the least. Spiritual humanist types can be quite clingy.

According to her, that'd be me, then. It would never have worked out.

[FBM]

Ah. Re-read the OP. Thought she was the spiritual humanist. Never mind.

[charlou]

Ah. Re-read the OP. Thought she was the spiritual humanist. Never mind.

Same ... ish ... That's the vague bit for me ... but I'm sure the proposed sign refers to the occupant.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

John, you need one these signs.

[John_fi_Skye]

John, you need one these signs.

WelcomeJWs-small.jpg

I'm sure the beard and the grin help to reinforce the message.