The only use for romantic novels

[Bella Fortuna]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

Especially interspersed with readings from "Cards Against Humanity".

That was still one of the best Ratz nights ever.

[Svartalf]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night as Lady Quinzell prepared for her date with the Man of her Life...

[Bella Fortuna]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night as Lady Quinzell prepared for her date with the Man of her Life...

When do the bodices get ripped??

[klr]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night ...

[Svartalf]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night as Lady Quinzell prepared for her date with the Man of her Life...

When do the bodices get ripped??

When Sir Wayne intervenes in the middle of her spat with the joker she's trying to seduce.

[Svartalf]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night ...

Yes, I know, an absolute classic... I'm surprised nobody did it before.

[Cormac]

Her trembling fingers were all of a tremble as her fingers struggled with his zip. Finally finally she had his thing in her hand. Where it was dwarfed by those fingers of hers. "Oh," she said. "Oooooooh!" he replied, the trembling of her trembling fingers having trembled him into ejaculation. She left him to find his own kleenex.

Did he also begin to tremble, and did his trembling fingers all of a tremble raise their trembling tips to his quivering lips all a-quiver, to taste his own gentlemanly secretions?

[Cormac]

Amelia knew that Guy would never notice her wearing her clean jodphurs. She had to roll in the dirty stable and smell like a real filly to ever dream about luring a stallion like him.

Neigh, neigh, and thrice neeeeeiiigghhhhh!

[Bella Fortuna]

Was there tremulous trembling, and quivering quaking?

[Cormac]

A really bad romance novel would be a hoot to read aloud at a Ratz meet as the drinks flow...

It was a dark and stormy night as Lady Quinzell prepared for her date with the Man of her Life...

When do the bodices get ripped??

Just as milady DeWinter realised, realisedly, that it was a dark and stormy night, her heaving bosoms heaved heav-ily, and tore her bodice from her enraptured torso, as the lightning flashed, like flashing lightning, illuminating, illuminatingly, like some passionate bright thing that is passionately bright, the manly, rainsoaked, bare chested, and thrusting* form of One Eyed Dick, Corsair of the Seven Seas, terror of the Spanish Main, son and heir of the Earl of Earlingham, clog-dancing hampion of all of the North-West of England, and lover of Milady DeWinter, proprietress of the heavingest bosoms South of the Faroes.


*He was wanking furiously at the time.

[Bella Fortuna]

Well......... aren't we all!

[klr]

I'm sure there must be a good romantic novel prose generator somewhere on the Internet.

[Cormac]

Well......... aren't we all!

It was, after all, dark and stormy...


...cover for all sorts of furtive delights...

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Sebastian took a long, lusting look at the bathing beauties wrapped around the pool. His mother had been right, here were rich pickings indeed. He slipped his lithe, long body into the water. "Is there anyone luckier than me?" he asked no-one in particular, as he crunched his reptilian teeth through the first, lithe, bikini-clad leg...

[Hermit]

Sebastian took a long, lusting look at the bathing beauties wrapped around the pool. His mother had been right, here were rich pickings indeed. He slipped his lithe, long body into the water. "Is there anyone luckier than me?" he asked no-one in particular, as he crunched his reptilian teeth through the first, lithe, bikini-clad leg...

A leg clad by a bikini?

From the blurb on the back of a book:

When Samantha first saw him, she immediately mistook her randiness for romantic stirrings. Yes, pudgy, middle-aged people with the personality of a corporate logo and the power of articulation usually exceeded in readers' letters to the editor of The Daily Pulp have yearnings too. Judging by his face, the man she spotted used to have severe spot problems in his youth, which in turn stopped the many objects of his desire spotting anything else about him, like his sense of humour. Well, that was no surprise because he had none. Nor did he have much of anything else, but he was smart enough to notice. In order to attract attention - any attention will do, he thought - he joined the police force. People have to pay attention to what a police officer says to them. To add some intellectual attractant he decided to hold forth - earnestly and at length - about his vision about the best of all possible worlds. Samantha thought a man with so many words must be interesting, and Richard thought: At last! Someone is listening to me! They reached out to each other at the Wrangler Bar & Grille, the music faded into the background and the happy couple rushed off to at last do something about their yearnings. Would the bliss and ecstasy last for the rest of their lives, or would reality intervene? Read this book to find out.