Original PostPls help i accepted jesus in my life but now i reconsider?
ok last sunday i accept jesus as my lord and personal savior and i was save.
on monday i was happy abt it, but today i reconsider. I think christians are bad ppl, and i dont know why i accepted jesus. i know why. it was because there was this asesome korean and she taeks me to church but i only go because she is pretty
and the next thing i know i get baptize and i accept jesus in my life
but now i dont want jesus in my life. once i am saved, can i tell jesus that i no longer accept.
i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Saw this on Y!A R&S. Thought you might get a laugh.
- Xamonas Chegwé
- Bouncer
- Posts: 50939
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:23 pm
- About me: I have prehensile eyebrows.
I speak 9 languages fluently, one of which other people can also speak.
When backed into a corner, I fit perfectly - having a right-angled arse. - Location: Nottingham UK
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Scrub that heart with strong bleach and listen to Frank Zappa while masturbating - worked for me!
A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return.
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
- JimC
- The sentimental bloke
- Posts: 73014
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 7:58 am
- About me: To be serious about gin requires years of dedicated research.
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Mayan open heart surgery?
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
And my gin!
- Rob
- Carpe Diem
- Posts: 2558
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 1:49 am
- About me: Just a man in love with science and the pursuit of knowledge.
- Location: Seattle, WA
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Seriously that is fucking great. I can't read this line without bursting up: i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
I can live with doubt, and uncertainty, and not knowing. I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. [...] I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn’t frighten me. - Richard Feynman
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Does this make Jesus an STD?
"I wanna exit how I entered: Between two legs."
The Hilltop Hoods.
The Hilltop Hoods.
- virphen
- Posts: 1451
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 2:37 am
- About me: "that fairy-fingering ass-raping space lizard"
One year own my home planet = 3 on earth. - Location: Orbit.
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
The only way out for him now is to eat a baby.
- Randydeluxe
- Filled With Aloha
- Posts: 642
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 7:01 am
- About me: Ua mau ke ea o ka 'aina i ka pono.
- Location: SoCal. Previously Honolulu, HI. Previously Vancouver, BC. Sometimes Austin, TX.
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
This is now my favorite Yahoo Answers question of all time.
- Bella Fortuna
- Sister Golden Hair
- Posts: 79685
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
- About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require. - Location: Scotlifornia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
That is the line that really got me. I think I have a new FB status....ScienceRob wrote:
Seriously that is fucking great. I can't read this line without bursting up: i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
- Bella Fortuna
- Sister Golden Hair
- Posts: 79685
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
- About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require. - Location: Scotlifornia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
One of the follow-up responses:
I'm not at all hypocritical wrote:Christians aren'y bad people.. i'm one, and just like any other kid at school who's not. so F you. atheist.
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
- Bella Fortuna
- Sister Golden Hair
- Posts: 79685
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
- About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require. - Location: Scotlifornia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
More:
it's not like you signed a contract or anything. just tell jesus to f*ck off.
You're going to need a Christectomy.
Please learn English, other wise the Korean girl will suffer because of your spelling and grammar!
Forget about Jesus and focus exclusively on the Korean girl. She might able to do a few things for you that are well outside the bounds of our so-called Messiah.
You were doomed to hell and still are !!! Change your motiation towards Jesus !!! Recognize you are a lying sinner like most of us before we really got to know the God above !!! So take a good second look at Him before you recant !!!
Jesus is called God - John 1:1,14; 20:28; Col. 2:9; Titus 2:13; Heb. 1:8
Jesus is the image of the invisible God - Heb. 1:3
Jesus abides forever - Heb. 7:24
Jesus created all things - John 1:1-3; Col. 1:15-17
Jesus is before all things - John 1:1-3; Col. 1:17;
Jesus is eternal - John 1:1,14; 8:58; Micah 5:1-2
Jesus is honored the same as the Father - John 5:23
Jesus is prayed to - Acts 7:55-60; 1 Cor. 1:2 with Psalm 116:4; (John 14:14)
Jesus is worshipped - Matt. 2:2,11; 14:33; John 9:35-38; Heb. 1:6
Jesus is omnipresent - Matt. 18:20; 28:20
Jesus is with us always - Matt. 28:20
Jesus is our only mediator between God and ourselves - 1 Tim. 2:5
Jesus is the guarantee of a better covenant - Heb. 7:22; 8:6
Jesus said, "I AM the Bread of Life" - John 6:35,41,48,51
Jesus said, "I AM the Door" - John 10:7,9
Jesus said, "I AM the Good Shepherd" - John 10:11,14
Jesus said, "I AM the Way the Truth and The Life" - John 14:6
Jesus said, "I AM the Light of the world" - John 8:12; 9:5; 12:46; Luke 2:32
Jesus said, "I AM the True Vine" - John 15:1,5
Jesus said, "I AM the Resurrection and the Life" - John 11:25
Jesus said, "I AM the First and the Last" - Rev. 1:17; 2:8; 22:13
Jesus always lives to make intercession for us - Heb. 7:25
Jesus cleanses from sin - 1 John 1:9
Jesus cleanses us from our sins by His blood - Rev. 1:5; Rom. 5:9
Jesus forgives sins - Matt. 9:1-7; Luke 5:20; 7:48
Jesus saves forever - Matt. 18:11; John 10:28; Heb. 7:25
And then pray a sincere prayer with all of your heart admitting to Jesus you are a sinner. Have full faith that His blood pays off all of your sins and accept His gift of everlasting life.
P.S. You don't have to go forward in a church to repent !!! You can kneel at your own bedside and repent !!!
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
- Rob
- Carpe Diem
- Posts: 2558
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 1:49 am
- About me: Just a man in love with science and the pursuit of knowledge.
- Location: Seattle, WA
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Yeah, Bella, I personally ROFL'd at the "you can tell jesus to fuck off" portion.
I can live with doubt, and uncertainty, and not knowing. I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. [...] I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn’t frighten me. - Richard Feynman
- rachelbean
- "awesome."
- Posts: 15756
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 12:08 am
- About me: I'm a nerd.
- Location: Wales, aka not England
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Bella Fortuna wrote:One of the follow-up responses:
I'm not at all hypocritical wrote:Christians aren'y bad people.. i'm one, and just like any other kid at school who's not. so F you. atheist.
lordpasternack wrote:Yeah - I fuckin' love oppressin' ma wimmin, like I love chowin' on ma bacon and tuggin' on ma ol' cock…
Pappa wrote:God is a cunt! I wank over pictures of Jesus! I love Darwin so much I'd have sex with his bones!!!!
- Bella Fortuna
- Sister Golden Hair
- Posts: 79685
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
- About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require. - Location: Scotlifornia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
I mean, keep it in proportion - it's not like you just signed up for mobile phone service or something!!ScienceRob wrote:Yeah, Bella, I personally ROFL'd at the "you can tell jesus to fuck off" portion.
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
- FBM
- Ratz' first Gritizen.
- Posts: 45327
- Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:43 pm
- About me: Skeptic. "Because it does not contend
It is therefore beyond reproach" - Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
Told you Korean chicks were hot.
"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it." ~ H. L. Mencken
"We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that."
"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion."
"We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that."
"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion."
- Bella Fortuna
- Sister Golden Hair
- Posts: 79685
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
- About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require. - Location: Scotlifornia
- Contact:
Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?
You obviously need no halp.FBM wrote:Told you Korean chicks were hot.
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 15 guests