Back in 2002 an Onion staffer must have been one story short, and ran acrorss mine, then at the Straight Dope message board. Modifying and stealing it. Here is the original:
Indianapolis, IN – Inexperienced garbage collector too interested in garbage.
Robert Johnson and Luther Allison were assigned as a team on garbage truck for Waste Containment Inc. Robert was a 20-year veteran of the garbage collection industry, and preferred not to talk much. Luther had signed up a few weeks back, but everybody knew he was going to community college in September. Robert had sized up Luther the very first week, when Luther asked questions about all trash that was not in a can or bag. "What do think them white folks made this for?" was his usual question. Robert looked at the pile of pressure treated lumber with nails in it. He knew that outside stuff like that was either for kids’ amusement or something to do with a yard or garden. He had seen every possible attempt at home made projects by these suburban guys. "Beats me, but watch out for them nails," he said to Luther.
"This must have been some kind of kids’ playhouse," Luther said at the next house, holding a piece of wood with a colorful cloth attached. "Wonder if these Nintendo controllers still work" he asked at the next, but the wires were obviously in bad shape at the plug end. "Hey, there is a box of CDs here. But they are all relaxation CDs. You want these." The answer was blunt. " No Luther, I never bring home trash, only money if I find it in the trash."
On the positive side, Robert got to drive the truck and never had to get out, as Luther was looking for "useful stuff" as he worked at the back, emptying cans.