The Internet Troll

[Trolldor]

Disclaimer: All of this is wild guesswork based on nothing more than observation.


What is an Internet Troll?

Good question, Timmy. An Internet Troll is someone posts explicitly to incite a (specific) negative reaction for "the lulz" (A 'corruption' of lol. SOURCE).

They believe it gives them 'e-cred', it's sort of like street cred but even more useless. E-cred, however, can be traded in to increase the length and girth of their e-penis. Contrary to popular opinion, this does not mean that girl on bustycamwhores.com will want you, even though she said she'd take you to paradise. Really she thinks you're a disgusting pervert.

However, a troll is a very specific sort of being.
Here's a list of what trolls are not:

A troll is not:
Someone who disagrees with you.
Someone who is offensive.
Someone with poor grammar.
Someone who only posts in memes. They're from *chan and also a douche. Or just a douche.
Atheists.
Theists.

If at any point they appear to be trying to make a point, they are not a troll.
If at any point they appear to be failing to make a point, they are not a troll.
If at any point they address the topic even ambivalently, they are not a troll.


"But sir, that doesn't really leave much left does it?"

No Timmy, it doesn't. This is why a troll's status is determined not by what they say, but how they say it. Trolls will 'test the water'. Dip a toe in and see how far the ripples flow. If they get a small reaction they might amp it up, or they might leave. A troll who has overstayed his welcome (IE failed to offend enough to get banhammered) is no longer a troll, but reverts to his usual forty-year old virgin self jerking off to fursuiters.

A troll will test the water by making small statements, targeting individuals. They will lurk a while, they will see which topics are the most volatile, they will do background research. If they haven't done any of this and start shouting in all caps about why women shouldn't have left the kitchen or *insert deity here* is watching you/doesn't exist, they aren't trolls, they're just ignorant assholes.
They (the trolls) don't need to do everything, they just need to gather enough information. Knowing is half the battle.


Of course, this is giving a lot of credit to trolls by assuming they are capable of cognitive thought, but to be a troll you have to be able to think and plan. Why? Because you've got a specific target and are looking for a specific reaction. If you don't cause your target to break down in to tears or invoking the almighty CAPS LOCK key then you've failed. Any real troll will know this. If targeting a group success is only achieved when the website/chatroom/game is closed down due to 'maintenance'.
Sometimes this plan can form in all of thirty seconds, and that's because you as a target are an emotional trainwreck from seeing your childhood friend ripped apart by a wild dog on your third birthday.
Or female. Having a Uterus is a direct cause of mental instability.

"So how do we combat trolls?"

Trolls usually self-destruct, especially if you offer them companionship and love. Such things are not only foreign but frightening. A successful troll is one you won't even notice. They slip away as inconspicuously as they came in, leaving a trail of bloodied corpses in their wake. If, however, you suspect someone of being a troll, don't out them straight away. You'll just look like a douche.
Instead, sit back and relax, wait for them to start it all and then simply interject. Flooding any heated flame war with pictures of kittens will defuse the situation, rendering all efforts by the troll useless.
Either because everyone's suddenly developed ovaries and is going "awwwwww" or because they're fourteen year old boys trying to act tough, coming out with slogans like "STOP FUCKING SPAMMING, TROLL!" The forum moderators/admins will react to the spam, and by the time they're finished any effect the troll would have had will have been nullified. It only takes seconds for the internet to revert back to cybering.

"What if there's more than one?"

There isn't. There is only ever a single troll, the king troll. He is not elected, he is not chosen, he merely is. If ever you are attacked by a horde, they are not trolls, they are peons. They are doing his bidding and they don't even realise it, that is why he is King. If you point this out them, they will self-destruct, each claiming to be 'acting on their own', that they 'have no leader', usually followed by some shitty slogan from some faggy teenage internet group for loners. Eventually they'll grow out of this, get a job, have a family, and laugh at how immature they used to be. Or they'll realise that they'll never amount to anything more than adding unfunny captions to macros of cats and throw themselves into the nearest oncoming train. Either one is good.

Please note the "King" is not a constant, authoritative individual. He just happens to be the one who words his potential target convincingly enough to the mindless hordes to get them looking away from narutoxhentai.


In Conclusion:

A troll is a lonely, bitter individual. They have no confidence and no self-esteem, and for that reason they never directly respond to anything said to them. They may quote you, and there may be a response, but they didn't read your post.
Be pre-emptive, try not to post personal information on the internet, see if a suspected troll has been escalating their attacks or if they've been lurking for a long time. Don't shout troll because someone posts something you don't like. Don't shout troll because you don't like someone and they've disagreed with you. You're wrong, and you're an idiot.
If you were stupid enough to tell everyone your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies about your grandfather, they will get you and you deserved it.

[Mung Bean]

You may have already seen it, but the New York Times had a very good article on trolls a couple of years back.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/magaz ... .html?_r=2

[Trolldor]

Nope. A couple of years ago I was prime troll bait.

[RuleBritannia]

I AM AWESOME!

[Trolldor]

That Article is more about Weev... and man that guy isn't a troll. He's a fucking one-man terrorist network.
A hilarious one.

[Pappa]

Some stuff I found:

Beware of the Troll!

If you've spent any time in chat rooms, bulletin boards or posting on Usenet you may have already come across one of these troublesome creatures.

Often suffering from a mutant strain of compulsive posting disorder, a troll's basic mission in life is to mischievously manufacture inflammatory opinions in an attempt to stir up disharmony and discord.

The most common breed of troll seeks attention by enthusiastically posting up a stream of off-topic drivel or by being clumsily provocative (like posting up, "PCs ROOL!" on an Apple Mac discussion board.)

Ignore them. The worst thing you can do is to try and engage them in rational debate as this only encourages them to hang around.

And once they find themselves the centre of attention, they inevitably become more and more 'controversial' before building up to a crescendo of abuse, followed by a theatrical flounce.

But these are mere bagatelle compared to the Nasty Troll. Like an unruly two year old in a perpetual temper tantrum, these destructive keyboard bullies want to break everything and spoil everyone's fun.

A Nasty Troll has no redeeming features whatsoever and they'll employ every dirty-no-good trick in the book in their tedious quest to wreck an online community.

This usually includes hurling around oceans of gratuitous abuse and defamatory comments, all delivered via a range of anonymous identities - with a few forged ones thrown in for good measure.

Sharp eyed bulletin board editors can usually ban 'bad bwoy' trolls before they can cause too much trouble, but on unmoderated newsgroups the damage can be terminal, with some communities giving up in the face of relentless attacks.

But not all trolls are quite so evil. A sophisticated, well researched troll can breathe much needed life into slumbering bulletin boards, turning soporific posters into turbo-charged Ian Paisleys with just a few carefully chosen posts.

Although an audacious and cunning troll can sometimes earn the begrudging respect of its target audience, such levels of sophistication are rarer than a Swansea City goal, and for most people trolls are an irritation they could live without.

Check out the links below and learn all about your online enemy: after all, when it comes to trolls, forewarned is forearmed.

[Pappa]

More stuff:

I love this one.

There are some individuals out there who don't just enjoy winding up people on newsgroups and bulletin boards - it's their sad lifestyle choice! Using every known disruptive trick in the book, these troublesome types don't go out to the pub, meet members of the opposite sex or enjoy life. They spend their time hunched over their computers trolling.
Here's how they work:

INTRODUCTION

The object of this post is to bring together a definitive document to cover the phenomena of the Usenet Troll. To many a troll is nothing more than an annoying method of defeating the killfile whereas to the heavily killfiled, trolling can be a virtual Godsend.

What I want this document to focus on is how to create entertaining trolls. I have drawn on the expertise of the writer's of some of Usenet's finest and best remembered trolls. Trolls are for fun. The object of recreational trolling is to sit back and laugh at all those gullible idiots that will believe *anything*.

Section 1: What Is A Troll?

The WWW gives this as a definition:

troll v.,n. To utter a posting on Usenet designed to attract predictable responses or flames. Derives from the phrase "trolling for newbies"; which in turn comes from mainstream "trolling";, a style of fishing in which one trails bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite.

The well-constructed troll is a post that induces lots of newbies and flamers to make themselves look even more clueless than they already do, while subtly conveying to the more savvy and experienced that it is in fact a deliberate troll.

If you don't fall for the joke, you get to be in on it.

The following extract is from a broader expansion of the defining comments given above:

In Usenet usage, a troll is not a grumpy monster that lives beneath a bridge accosting passers-by, but rather a provocative posting to a newsgroup intended to produce a large volume of frivolous responses.

The content of a "troll posting generally falls into several areas. It may consist of an apparently foolish contradiction of common knowledge, a deliberately offensive insult to the readers of a newsgroup, or a broad request for trivial follow-up postings.

There are three reasons why people troll newsgroups:

People post such messages to get attention, to disrupt newsgroups, and simply to make trouble.

Career trollers tend for the latter two whilst the former is the mark of the clueless newbie and should be ignored.

Section 2: Design Issues

A troll is no different to any other Usenet posting. That needs to be stressed.

Any article that you decide to write should be written with a view to it actually being read by large numbers of people. Simply X-posting to large numbers of irrelevant newsgroups is not creative trolling - it is just spam and should be avoided.

The experienced troller spends time carefully choosing the right subject and delivering it to the right newsgroup. With trolls, delivery is just as important as the subject.

Start the troll in a reasonable and erudite manner. You have to engage your readers' interest and draw them in.

Never give too much away at the start - although a brief abstract with hints of what's to come can work wonders.

Construct your troll in a manner to make it readable. Use short paragraphs and lots of white space. Keep line length below eighty characters. Use a liberal amount of emphasis and even the occasional illustration.

A good rule of thumb is that as your troll becomes more and more ludicrous put extra effort into the presentation - this keeps the mug punter confused. Let confusion and chaos be your goal

Section 3: Content
Make your subject a relevant one. Posting "Star Trek Sucks" into hk.forsale is not going to work very well and is liable to utterly destroy your hard earned reputation as a troller overnight.

You do not have to make the subject clear. Trolls are aimed at two audiences, the respondees and the lurkers.

The best trolls reveal their true subject only to the lurkers. In every sense those who reply to your troll are your tools. So choose a theme for your troll and stick to it.

Outwardly you need to appear sincere, but at the same time you have to tell your *real* audience that this is blatant flamebait. Your skill is shown in the easy way that you manipulate large areas of the Usenet community into making public fools of themselves.

Section 4: Newsgroup Selection

Choice of newsgroup is as important as the subject, tone and structure of the troll. You want to appeal to each group you X-post into to ensure responses from each group.

A well delivered troll will anticipate what those responses will be and thus ensure that contradictions will arise amongst the different groups that you are setting up.

BAD:
Posting "USA Sucks" to alt.nuke.the.USA, alt.usa-sucks, aus.flame.usa
This is totally on-topic and obvious. A truly useless troll.

AVERAGE:
Posting "God Doesn't Exist" to all the alt.religion newsgroups
Here you are being too obvious. People recognise this sort of trouble making and have usually learned not to respond to it. However, if your troll is well written you can actually entrap a lot of newbies.

This, if executed correctly, can be exploited to cause great offence to those more experienced troll avoiders on the groups you are attacking. Go for it!

GOOD:
Posting an article that appears relevant to every group but with no connection between those groups other than the fact that you've just trolled them.
The best trolls go out to an average of around eight or nine newsgroups. This will stop them from becoming spam as it's not quite enough to be a real problem. However, to get by on so few groups you have to include a couple of popular ones in the list.

When posting to say seven groups you should try to break down your theme into seven areas - each of which will be of specific interest to just one of those groups.

You then write an eight paragraph troll with a paragraph for each group and a spare one for yourself with which to lob in a gratuitous insult to everyone who was dumb enough to read your troll.

It is a matter of choice whether you choose newsgroups before or after writing the troll.

Some experts claim that newsgroup selection is the key to successful trolling and should be done first, others will write general trolls and then apply the standard Perl script that trollers use for Automatic Random Newsgroup Selection.

Section 5: Know Your Audience

Remember that you have two audiences. The people who are going to get the maximum enjoyment out of your post are other trollers. You need to keep in contact with them through both your troll itself and the way you direct its effect.

It is trollers that you are trying to entertain so be creative - trollers don't just want a laugh from you they want to see good trolls so that they can also learn how to improve their own in the never ending search for the perfect troll.

The other audience is of course the little people in those newsgroups that your are attacking. Get to know them. Every newsgroup has its smartarse who will expose your troll if given half a chance.

Research your targets and learn what their arguments are. Then avoid those arguments like the plague.

Drag them off-topic - the further off-topic the better. Remember, you are trying to waste their time.

Never take sides - remember that your goal is not to win an argument, rather it is to provoke a futile one that runs forever.

If, for example you were attacking Fast Food then you should also X-post to Healthy Eating groups, Environmental Protection Groups, Animal Rights Groups etc....

You want to try to ensure that you have the broadest possible range of opinions as this is the easiest way to sow confusion.

The more confusion the less the likelihood of your troll being exposed for what it is.

It can also be shown that the inclusion of just one totally off-topic newsgroup can have dramatic effects.

The list above is taken from a genuine troll which also included an Artificial Intelligence group, the result of which was to draw Computer Guru Professor Marvin Minsky into a flamewar concerning Ronald McDonald's exploitation of the disabled - an all-time classic piece of trolling - written by a practising veggie.

Section 6: Following-Up

"Even if this is true......"

That represents the perfect response to any troll. The mark of a gullible lunatic that will almost certainly believe anything you tell them. A total group embarrassment. Award yourself a Troll Gold Star every time you get one!

Other good responses include, but are not limited to....

"Although this is on-topic....."
"I disagree...."
"Yes, but....."
"Can you provide a source for this...."


Try not to follow-up to your own troll. The troll itself quickly becomes forgotten in the chaos and if you just sit back you can avoid being blamed for causing it.

Remember, if you do follow up you are talking to an idiot. Treat them with the ill-respect they deserve.

You should also learn to recognise follow-ups from your fellow trollers. Sometimes an average troll can be elevated into majestic proportions when several trollers spontaneously join forces via the medium of the follow up troll.

Ignore cries of wasted bandwidth! This is pure drivel that will always be posted by the anti-troll lobby.

These jerks fail to understand that trolls are the best way to drive people off the internet thus making available multi-mbs for the rest of us to download our porn.

Section 7: The Successful Troll

A good example of troll success is the famous "How I Envy American Students" troll.

This troll was written by an English brick-layer posing as an American student. He correctly posted it to all the college news- groups and then left american students to do all the work spreading it.

His troll ran for over a year, it is known to have generated in excess of 3,500 responses (an average of 1 response every 160 minutes for a whole year) and the greatest coup of all was when an innocent american student lost not only her internet account but was also expelled from high school for abuse of the computer systems.

Somehow she had managed to get the blame for causing the troll.

Section 8: Troll RFC

Applications are requested for a standard API to the existing troller's tool the "Automatic Random X-Post Generator" - now in pre-release beta.
Experienced trollers and recovered trollees are invited to submit items for inclusion in this FAQ.

[Animavore]

[VazScep]

I'm glad there are a few posts defending trolling as an expert craft. But I think we need to go further than this. What are called "trolls" nowadays are unfortunately morons, picking easy targets on forums where there is a strong awareness of some version of Poe's Law. Trolling an atheism forum pretending to be an idiot creationist is not big and it's not clever. A good troll's posts should be fiendishly clever. They should contain such subtly clever logical errors that only a truly smart person could make them. Here's a few remarks from seebs about trolls:

What offends me is that, as a long-time Kibologist, I feel that modern "trolls" are a degradation of, and an insult to, a real art form.

The work that goes into a long post arguing that a 15-digit number whose last digit is 6 "must be prime" is real work, and posts like that can contribute to and build up the community they're in.

[...]

Not all trolls are looking for just any response. One of the great recreations of Usenet is a specific kind of troll, the goal of which is to get a very specific response. That response is that at least one person thinks you're a total idiot, and everyone else thinks that person is a total idiot to think so. The goal of these trolls is to make claims that are not just stupid, but carefully crafted so that, with a little thought, it's obvious that no one could actually be stupid in that particular way -- that, to make that mistake, it would be necessary that you know better.

This is one of the funniest examples of trolling on the net:

Of course ATMs print money. You think they're going to put $40,000 in cash in a machine, when it could just have some blank paper and a couple of metal plates?

That's ridiculous. The plates are worth too much for them to do that.

No, it's true. I used to work in a bank, and one of my jobs was to change the rolls of paper in the ATM.

Those are for the receipts, not the money, dipshit.

Don't be stupid, the receipts are pre-printed.

For more awesome examples of trolling, think of http://www.27bslash6.com/.

[Magicziggy]

For more awesome examples of trolling, think of http://www.27bslash6.com/.

This guy is priceless and from Adelaide to boot.
I''ve been to Monarto Zoo and it's exactly like that.