Hello Rationalia from King David

[lordpasternack]

Greetings King David!


Something tells me that rooftop jacuzzi might have been a bad idea...

Finally someone gets it!

It's amazing all the intrigue and drama that happened in history, some of which recorded in the Bible, all for want of some condoms, possibly other birth control, and some decent abortion clinics.

I mean, can you imagine where the story of David and Bathsheba would be if someone appeared to David at a crucial stage in the plot and handed him a large supply of Durex, gave him a brief but sufficient education in matters, and sent him on his way? Or if Bathsheba could have run to the doctor's for the morning after pill after he'd given her a cream pie, or at least had an abortion from a decent place?

And if God was going to kill the resultant child anyway - why didn't he just cause Bathsheba to miscarry - and prevent David from having Uriah disappeared? The impression you walk away with is that both David and God are Grade A bastards.

These are the sorts of things I like to think about...

[Geoff]

Greetings King David!


Something tells me that rooftop jacuzzi might have been a bad idea...

Finally someone gets it!

It's amazing all the intrigue and drama that happened in history, some of which recorded in the Bible, all for want of some condoms, possibly other birth control, and some decent abortion clinics.

I mean, can you imagine where the story of David and Bathsheba would be if someone appeared to David at a crucial stage in the plot and handed him a large supply of Durex, gave him a brief but sufficient education in matters, and sent him on his way? Or if Bathsheba could have run to the doctor's for the morning after pill after he'd given her a cream pie, or at least had an abortion from a decent place?

And if God was going to kill the resultant child anyway - why didn't he just cause Bathsheba to miscarry - and prevent David from having Uriah disappeared? The impression you walk away with is that both David and God are Grade A bastards.

These are the sorts of things I like to think about...

Better still, could have given god a condom before he shagged Mary...that would have saved a lot of problems!

[Robert_S]

Greetings King David!


Something tells me that rooftop jacuzzi might have been a bad idea...

Finally someone gets it!

It's amazing all the intrigue and drama that happened in history, some of which recorded in the Bible, all for want of some condoms, possibly other birth control, and some decent abortion clinics.

I mean, can you imagine where the story of David and Bathsheba would be if someone appeared to David at a crucial stage in the plot and handed him a large supply of Durex, gave him a brief but sufficient education in matters, and sent him on his way? Or if Bathsheba could have run to the doctor's for the morning after pill after he'd given her a cream pie, or at least had an abortion from a decent place?

And if God was going to kill the resultant child anyway - why didn't he just cause Bathsheba to miscarry - and prevent David from having Uriah disappeared? The impression you walk away with is that both David and God are Grade A bastards.

These are the sorts of things I like to think about...

But then, Bathsheba wouldn't have married the king and eventually given birth to Solomon. If there was birth control she'd have probably said "It's alright David, I'm on the pill." I somehow doubt she'd have been out on that rooftop showing off the goods if she didn't have ambitions.

[lordpasternack]

But Robert, if all had gone to plan, David would just have cuckolded Uriah. David repeatedly tried to call him back from the army so that he might hump his wife, and perhaps subsequently find it plausible that he'd fathered the resultant child - but Uriah refused, and was then arranged to be disappeared.

And as for Bathsheba, she might have played easy to get by the time Dave asked her back to his place - but it's not like she could have known that there were peeping toms in such high places at the time she was enjoying her bath. I can't believe that she was flashing her tits in the general direction of the palace hoping to get lucky one day. I don't know. Nobody knows. For all we know she saw him watching and squeezed them together while giving him a sultry look. I really would have loved to be a fly on the wall, actually...

[Robert_S]

But Robert, if all had gone to plan, David would just have cuckolded Uriah. David repeatedly tried to call him back from the army so that he might hump his wife, and perhaps subsequently find it plausible that he'd fathered the resultant child - but Uriah refused, and was then arranged to be disappeared.

And as for Bathsheba, she might have played easy to get by the time Dave asked her back to his place - but it's not like she could have known that there were peeping toms in such high places at the time she was enjoying her bath. I can't believe that she was flashing her tits in the general direction of the palace hoping to get lucky one day. I don't know. Nobody knows. For all we know she saw him watching and squeezed them together while giving him a sultry look. I really would have loved to be a fly on the wall, actually...

I always wondered about Uriah, was he actually trying to get David caught out, or was he maybe trying to get with David? IIRC, he camped out in front of the palace. Imagine if they had a less dreary god in Israel and the three of them just started swinging.

[lordpasternack]

Imagine that… David and Uriah had an exchange of manlove followed by some DP with Bathsheba, and came to a gentleman's agreement about the bastard child (who died anyway), and they all lived happily ever after…

[Geoff]

Imagine that… David and Uriah had an exchange of manlove followed by some DP with Bathsheba, and came to a gentleman's agreement about the bastard child (who died anyway), and they all lived happily ever after…

Someone like you should have been around to write it! Much better version!

[Robert_S]

Imagine that… David and Uriah had an exchange of manlove followed by some DP with Bathsheba, and came to a gentleman's agreement about the bastard child (who died anyway), and they all lived happily ever after…

Maybe it started out that way, but Uriah either failed to give David a proper royal reacharound or didn't use his lips to shield his teeth and sealed his fate that way.

[Gallstones]

Every single one of you would be severely chastised and banned at another place for being so OT.

[amok]

Hello King David!

[Ayaan]

Every single one of you would be severely chastised and banned at another place for being so OT.

Hell, around here, unless the thread's in one of the serious forums, if it hasn't been derailed by the fifth post, something is seriously wrong. Derailed, re-railed, derailed again, maybe a split, maybe not, whatever works. A thread is a conversation, and conversations don't always stay with the topic they started with.

[Gallstones]

Oh geezus, not only does he fancy himself a king, he thinks he's the God.

[King David]

Oh geezus, not only does he fancy himself a king, he thinks he's the God.

Don't shatter my illusions. I've always wanted to be a god-king.

[devogue]

[Dasein]

nobody is ever here when I need them. good luck