How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

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How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Oster » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:08 am

Saw this on Y!A R&S. Thought you might get a laugh.
Pls help i accepted jesus in my life but now i reconsider?
ok last sunday i accept jesus as my lord and personal savior and i was save.

on monday i was happy abt it, but today i reconsider. I think christians are bad ppl, and i dont know why i accepted jesus. i know why. it was because there was this asesome korean and she taeks me to church but i only go because she is pretty

and the next thing i know i get baptize and i accept jesus in my life

but now i dont want jesus in my life. once i am saved, can i tell jesus that i no longer accept.

i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:10 am

Scrub that heart with strong bleach and listen to Frank Zappa while masturbating - worked for me! :tup:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by JimC » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:26 am

Mayan open heart surgery? :dono:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Rob » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:29 am

:funny: :funny:

Seriously that is fucking great. I can't read this line without bursting up: i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
I can live with doubt, and uncertainty, and not knowing. I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. [...] I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn’t frighten me. - Richard Feynman

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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bolero » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:31 am

Does this make Jesus an STD?
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by virphen » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:31 am

The only way out for him now is to eat a baby.

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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Randydeluxe » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:39 am

This is now my favorite Yahoo Answers question of all time.

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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bella Fortuna » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:57 am

ScienceRob wrote::funny: :funny:

Seriously that is fucking great. I can't read this line without bursting up: i only want the korean grl in my life, not jesus, plase help
That is the line that really got me. I think I have a new FB status.... :hilarious:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bella Fortuna » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:59 am

One of the follow-up responses:
I'm not at all hypocritical wrote:Christians aren'y bad people.. i'm one, and just like any other kid at school who's not. so F you. atheist.
:funny: :funny: :funny:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bella Fortuna » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:05 am

More:
it's not like you signed a contract or anything. just tell jesus to f*ck off.
You're going to need a Christectomy.
Please learn English, other wise the Korean girl will suffer because of your spelling and grammar!
Forget about Jesus and focus exclusively on the Korean girl. She might able to do a few things for you that are well outside the bounds of our so-called Messiah.
You were doomed to hell and still are !!! Change your motiation towards Jesus !!! Recognize you are a lying sinner like most of us before we really got to know the God above !!! So take a good second look at Him before you recant !!!

Jesus is called God - John 1:1,14; 20:28; Col. 2:9; Titus 2:13; Heb. 1:8
Jesus is the image of the invisible God - Heb. 1:3
Jesus abides forever - Heb. 7:24
Jesus created all things - John 1:1-3; Col. 1:15-17
Jesus is before all things - John 1:1-3; Col. 1:17;
Jesus is eternal - John 1:1,14; 8:58; Micah 5:1-2
Jesus is honored the same as the Father - John 5:23
Jesus is prayed to - Acts 7:55-60; 1 Cor. 1:2 with Psalm 116:4; (John 14:14)
Jesus is worshipped - Matt. 2:2,11; 14:33; John 9:35-38; Heb. 1:6
Jesus is omnipresent - Matt. 18:20; 28:20
Jesus is with us always - Matt. 28:20
Jesus is our only mediator between God and ourselves - 1 Tim. 2:5
Jesus is the guarantee of a better covenant - Heb. 7:22; 8:6
Jesus said, "I AM the Bread of Life" - John 6:35,41,48,51
Jesus said, "I AM the Door" - John 10:7,9
Jesus said, "I AM the Good Shepherd" - John 10:11,14
Jesus said, "I AM the Way the Truth and The Life" - John 14:6
Jesus said, "I AM the Light of the world" - John 8:12; 9:5; 12:46; Luke 2:32
Jesus said, "I AM the True Vine" - John 15:1,5
Jesus said, "I AM the Resurrection and the Life" - John 11:25
Jesus said, "I AM the First and the Last" - Rev. 1:17; 2:8; 22:13
Jesus always lives to make intercession for us - Heb. 7:25
Jesus cleanses from sin - 1 John 1:9
Jesus cleanses us from our sins by His blood - Rev. 1:5; Rom. 5:9
Jesus forgives sins - Matt. 9:1-7; Luke 5:20; 7:48
Jesus saves forever - Matt. 18:11; John 10:28; Heb. 7:25

And then pray a sincere prayer with all of your heart admitting to Jesus you are a sinner. Have full faith that His blood pays off all of your sins and accept His gift of everlasting life.

P.S. You don't have to go forward in a church to repent !!! You can kneel at your own bedside and repent !!!
:shock:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Rob » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:12 am

Yeah, Bella, I personally ROFL'd at the "you can tell jesus to fuck off" portion. :funny:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by rachelbean » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:14 am

Bella Fortuna wrote:One of the follow-up responses:
I'm not at all hypocritical wrote:Christians aren'y bad people.. i'm one, and just like any other kid at school who's not. so F you. atheist.
:funny: :funny: :funny:

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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bella Fortuna » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:21 am

ScienceRob wrote:Yeah, Bella, I personally ROFL'd at the "you can tell jesus to fuck off" portion. :funny:
I mean, keep it in proportion - it's not like you just signed up for mobile phone service or something!! :hilarious:
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by FBM » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:27 am

Told you Korean chicks were hot. 8-)
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Re: How Do I Get Jesus Out of My Heart!?

Post by Bella Fortuna » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:29 am

FBM wrote:Told you Korean chicks were hot. 8-)
You obviously need no halp.
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