Sporalogy

[Tero]

From:https://www.skepsis.fi/ihmeellinen/sporalogia.html

Enjoy:

Sporology
(eng. sporalogy). Sporalogy is a new, but still quite familiar sounding method of divination. Physicist Nils Mustelin, the developer of playful sporology, writes in the book Paholainen's lawyer: "I have once toyed with the idea that I could establish a completely new astrology-like divination system, the starting point of which would be the movements of the trams in the city of Helsinki. We could call the system tramology or sporology."

"I could start this prophetic task by pointing out that the city of Helsinki is a harmonious whole, all parts of which interact with each other. Then I would choose the trams, with their regularly repeating movements, representing this functioning entity, where everything affects everything. Of course, I would like to remind you in this context that every tram affects every inhabitant of the city with a force of attraction that is significantly greater than the forces caused by distant planets, and that the electric motors of the trams also produce all kinds of extremely complex electromagnetic oscillations and waves."

"In the event that a scientist starts to study the effects of these forces and vibrations using scientific methods, I could claim, just to be sure, that trams are also associated with special spiritual properties, the forces and vibrations caused by which a scientist locked in a materialistic-mechanistic world view cannot even fathom."

"In the position of astronomical track calculations, I would of course use the timetables published by the transport department and create a computer program that would provide precise information about the location of each tram at arbitrary times. The small problem that the trams might be late at peak times and otherwise move irregularly would not worry me at all; just as astrologers have replaced the celestial bodies moving in three-dimensional space with some kind of symbols located in the zodiac, I could replace the physical trams, for example, with their metaphysical entities that run their routes at a steady speed according to the schedules of the Helsinki City Transport Department."

"Then, of course, I would argue that the most important and deepest characteristics of a newborn child depend on the direction in which the different trams are located at the time of his/her birth (no child is born until his/her tram map is in full harmony with his character traits)."

"Because sporology should be an exact science, I would complete my computer program in such a way that it would give the exact locations of all trams (or rather their metaphysical essences) on the Helsinki skyline, when the child's birth time (to the second) and place of birth (to the meter) are entered into the computer."

"I would divide the Helsinki horizon, which would serve as the one-dimensional universe of sporology, into different parts as I see fit — preferably in two or three different ways. I could also project a few important buildings onto it, viewed from the place of birth, such as the Cathedral (which could symbolize religious tendencies), the Stadion tower (sporting abilities), the Bank of Finland (success in financial matters) and the Finlandia Hall (musical talent).”

"The horizon should also project a little more distant destinations, located outside of Helsinki. After all, it is a question of a great cosmic system, although for practical reasons it is only suitable for the city of Helsinki. However, I haven't decided yet whether I would choose directions to the world's largest cities or whether I would be big and take, for example, the center of the Milky Way and a few well-known galaxies, such as the Magellanic Clouds and the Andromeda Galaxy. Or — why not choose both, in order to get enough different sporological factors?"

"It would be easy to attach far-reaching symbolism to trams... Not to mention the route numbers: one and ten would of course be very positive, numbers of victory and success, while nine would be associated with weak performances and six, for example, with love life (after all, six is ​​sex in Swedish)."

“Combining the properties of the trams and the different areas and sensitive points of the horizon in countless different ways, I would then develop a great code of interpretation and a suitably scientific-sounding liturgy to go with it. In particular, I would make sure that each tram map would allow for a large number of mutually contradictory conclusions, and I would also equip my interpretation machinery with as many safety nets as possible (human free will, hidden and unconscious character traits, the importance of spiritual development, etc.), so that sporalogy at Takuu would always 'work'".

"If some prejudiced and intolerant skeptic were to try to show that the whole sporology is humbug and pure bullshit, I could always claim that he is not competent to criticize it — only I, with my deep wisdom and many years of experience, would be able to fully understand that sporology reflects on a metaphysical level as well as the dynamics of the city of Helsinki aspects of consciousness and the universal energy of the Cosmos!"

“With the help of skilled advertising men, I would then start marketing personal and reliable tram horoscopes that would make customers feel like objects of benevolent interest from higher powers. As the turnover increases, I would for example establish a limited company — wouldn't Oy Sporatulkinta Ab sit well in the trade register? Maybe I would be so successful that the president of the republic — or at least the mayor of Helsinki — would always want to consult me ​​before making more important decisions?"

"Insane and shocking? Maybe so — but is it possible to present any substantive criticism of sporology that would not also be aimed at astrology?"

"For my part, I see only one essential difference between sporology and astrology. Sporalogy would be a deliberate hoax from the start, while astrology probably began as a sincere but fruitless attempt to penetrate the secrets of the enigmatic universe. I am even ready to believe that most astrologers today are still convinced of the truthfulness of astrology.”

"But — maybe I too, as the founder and successful practitioner of sporology, would begin to believe in the validity of my doctrine over the years."

[Tero]

Spårvagn is the Swedish word, raitiovaunu in Finnish. The slang word is spora. A gallery of the streetcars:

https://www.vastavalo.net/haku-Spora.html