Have YOU found Jesus?

[mistermack]

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?" The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,







"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?!?!?

[Dries van Tonder]

[Cormac]

[/bigotry]
[/faux outrage]

[mistermack]

Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."
Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land.."

Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he hasn't realised yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.

I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a Call Centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

[charlou]

I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a Call Centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

[FBM]

Pure gold.

[Santa_Claus]

Pure gold.

Between 1999 and 2002, Gordon Brown ordered the sale of almost 400 tons of the gold reserves when the price was at a 20-year low.........If the Gold was sold today it would pay for the Olympics - and still leave a couple of Billion over.......and then he went on to Bankrupt the Nation - and now is lecturing on what everyone else did wrong, and what now should be done (throw money that doesn't exist at problems that need fundamental solutions).

The man should be hung, drawn and quartered for Treason.

[Cormac]

Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."
Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land.."

Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he hasn't realised yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.

I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a Call Centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

But it is ok. Gordon Brown announced back in the early days of Labour, that he had "put an end to boom and bust". What we are experiencing is therefore not a bust, and neither was it preceded by a boom.

[Cormac]

Pure gold.

Between 1999 and 2002, Gordon Brown ordered the sale of almost 400 tons of the gold reserves when the price was at a 20-year low.........If the Gold was sold today it would pay for the Olympics - and still leave a couple of Billion over.......and then he went on to Bankrupt the Nation - and now is lecturing on what everyone else did wrong, and what now should be done (throw money that doesn't exist at problems that need fundamental solutions).

The man should be hung, drawn and quartered for Treason.

Of course, if gold was now the commodity the price of which was depressed, he'd be being criticised for not having sold it back then.

Gold has no particularly intrinsic value. (Nothing does).

[FBM]

Pure gold.

Between 1999 and 2002, Gordon Brown ordered the sale of almost 400 tons of the gold reserves when the price was at a 20-year low.........If the Gold was sold today it would pay for the Olympics - and still leave a couple of Billion over.......and then he went on to Bankrupt the Nation - and now is lecturing on what everyone else did wrong, and what now should be done (throw money that doesn't exist at problems that need fundamental solutions).

The man should be hung, drawn and quartered for Treason.

Are you available for children's birthday parties, by any chance?

[Santa_Claus]

Are you available for children's birthday parties, by any chance?

Yes!

But only if on a bus route. and I can take one home with me wrapped up in a serviette........

[Mr P]

I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a Call Centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Also

Nicking it for FB

[Berthold]

I hope this isn't too much of a derail.

[Faithfree]

Took me a while to see it too ..

[Dries van Tonder]

Took me a while to see it too ..

Nice!!!!!

From my experience, Jesus (God) is in prison. That's where most people find him