Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God ?
God - you"ll definitely see him one day
Good. I haz kweschuns.
Christian joke
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Deep Sea Isopod
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Christian joke
This was posted on another forum.
Good. I haz kweschuns.
Good. I haz kweschuns.
I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous 
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cowiz
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Re: Christian joke
I thought the thread title was an abbreviation of "Christian are a Joke" and I was about to agree with you.
It's a piece of piss to be cowiz, but it's not cowiz to be a piece of piss. Or something like that.
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Svartalf
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Re: Christian joke
That'ss it thou recreant caitiff, taunts at 20 paces.Deep Sea Isopod wrote:This was posted on another forum.
Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God ?
God - you"ll definitely see him one day
Good. I haz kweschuns.
Embrace the Darkness, it needs a hug
PC stands for "Patronizing Cocksucker" Randy Ping
PC stands for "Patronizing Cocksucker" Randy Ping
Re: Christian joke
Four nuns arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection.
The first one says: "I have to confess, I held a mans penis in one hand."
St. Peter says: "You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in."
The second says:"I have to confess, I held a mans penis in both hands."
St. Peter: "Wash both your hands and go in.
Suddenly the other two start fighting St.Peter goes over, pulls them apart and asks, "What's going on?"
One of them shouts "I want to gargle, before she washes her arse in there!"
The first one says: "I have to confess, I held a mans penis in one hand."
St. Peter says: "You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in."
The second says:"I have to confess, I held a mans penis in both hands."
St. Peter: "Wash both your hands and go in.
Suddenly the other two start fighting St.Peter goes over, pulls them apart and asks, "What's going on?"
One of them shouts "I want to gargle, before she washes her arse in there!"
Outside the ordered universe is that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.
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lordpasternack
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Re: Christian joke
Azathoth wrote:Four nuns arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection.
The first one says: "I have to confess, I held a mans penis in one hand."
St. Peter says: "You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in."
The second says:"I have to confess, I held a mans penis in both hands."
St. Peter: "Wash both your hands and go in.
Suddenly the other two start fighting St.Peter goes over, pulls them apart and asks, "What's going on?"
One of them shouts "I want to gargle, before she washes her arse in there!"
Then they for sudden joy did weep,
And I for sorrow sung,
That such a king should play bo-peep,
And go the fools among.
Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach
thy fool to lie: I would fain learn to lie.
And I for sorrow sung,
That such a king should play bo-peep,
And go the fools among.
Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach
thy fool to lie: I would fain learn to lie.
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Hermit
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Re: Christian joke
Two pedophiles were walking down the street one day when they came across a pair of small lacey knickers on the ground. The first one picks them up, smells them and goes, "Aahhh... A seven-year-old girl." The other grabs them from him and also takes a smell and goes, "No, no ... Definitely an eight-year-old girl!" The two of them are them smelling them in turns and arguing. "An eight-year-old!", "No, a seven-year-old!", "Definitely an eight-year-old!" .... and so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about.
The first pedophile tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument, so the priest takes the knickers, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says: "Definitely an eight-year-old girl! ......... but not from my parish!"
The first pedophile tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument, so the priest takes the knickers, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says: "Definitely an eight-year-old girl! ......... but not from my parish!"
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops. - Stephen J. Gould
Re: Christian joke
Libertarianism: The belief that out of all the terrible things governments can do, helping people is the absolute worst.
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Hermit
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Re: Christian joke
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops. - Stephen J. Gould
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Hermit
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Re: Christian joke
What's the difference between priests and pimples?
Pimples don't come on boys' faces until they are about 14 years old.
Pimples don't come on boys' faces until they are about 14 years old.
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops. - Stephen J. Gould
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Mysturji
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Re: Christian joke
Jesus takes a walk by the pearly gates, doing a "meet & greet" of the people waiting to enter heaven, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries as he makes his way down the line.
Suddenly, a little old man catches his eye. The old man is running up the line, looking at people's faces, pausing every now and then to look closely at one face or another. He appears distressed.
"Can I help you, sir" Jesus asks the old man.
"Oh, I hope so!" the old man replies. "I'm looking for my son. I heard that he died before me. Well, he wasn't really my son. He was given to me by a higher power, and his calling took him on a long journey. I haven't seen him for years."
Jesus thinks 'This is coincidental' and asks the old man "What was your trade in life?"
The old man says "I was a carpenter".
Jesus can scarcely believe it. Tears well up in his eyes as he looks at the old man's gentle face. "Dad? Is that you?"
The old man squints at him and says...
Suddenly, a little old man catches his eye. The old man is running up the line, looking at people's faces, pausing every now and then to look closely at one face or another. He appears distressed.
"Can I help you, sir" Jesus asks the old man.
"Oh, I hope so!" the old man replies. "I'm looking for my son. I heard that he died before me. Well, he wasn't really my son. He was given to me by a higher power, and his calling took him on a long journey. I haven't seen him for years."
Jesus thinks 'This is coincidental' and asks the old man "What was your trade in life?"
The old man says "I was a carpenter".
Jesus can scarcely believe it. Tears well up in his eyes as he looks at the old man's gentle face. "Dad? Is that you?"
The old man squints at him and says...
Trigger Warning!!!1! :
Sir Figg Newton wrote:If I have seen further than others, it is only because I am surrounded by midgets.
IDMD2Cormac wrote:Doom predictors have been with humans right through our history. They are like the proverbial stopped clock - right twice a day, but not due to the efficacy of their prescience.
I am a twit.
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