Become A Christian

[cronus]

Believe me? Answers on a postcard.

[Svartalf]

Become a cretin, sorry, I was one for too long before I understood how absurd and silly that was

[Animavore]

Maybe when I'm old and senile it might happen.
I doubt it though. I'm a Buddhist atheist more than a Catholic one. I think it is toward that that my feeble old mind will turn.

[cronus]

I was thinking the population control potential, so desperately needed to combat climate change, would be massively enhanced by Christian State.

[Svartalf]

except chretinity has no traits leading it to being ecological.

A buddhist theocracy might be more suited to that.

[cronus]

except chretinity has no traits leading it to being ecological.

A buddhist theocracy might be more suited to that.

No, not directly. I'd have thought it would be a by-product of reducing consumer demand, though? Religions are great at making the material world seem less important, at least for the flock.

[Svartalf]

Yeah, right....

The mmiddle ages were the heyday of showy consumption, the hunt for gold, silk and spices....

[Hermit]

Jason and Christian were two prawns living on the sea bed. Now as everyone knows, prawns are pretty low down in the food chain, and so, their lives are spent dashing from one hiding place to another to avoid being eaten. It was during one such hectic course of evasive action that Jason and Christian became separated, whereupon Jason suddenly found himself among some unfamiliar rocks, wondering how he was going to get back to his friends. At this point, while deciding whether or not to make a dash for another group of rocks, Jason heard a voice.

"Hello little prawn", said the voice.

Jason looked up. Hovering over him was a large cod. Immediately, Jason crouched as tightly as he could under the overhang of the rock, and squealed "Go away! You've only come to eat me!"

"Ahem", said the cod, "I assure you that I have no such intention, not least because I have just had a full meal, and in any case I prefer sprats. I have seen your plight, and I am here to help".

"Help?" Jason looked somewhat bemused.

"You see, I am a magic cod", continued the cod. "I can grant you any wish that comes to your mind. Have you never wished to live a life that doesn't involve running away from things trying to eat you? Well, I can make that happen".

"Really?" said Jason.

"Indeed I can - just step out, and I'll wave my tail over you, and grant you whatever you wish".

"In that case, I wish to be something that will never get chased to be eaten ever again", said Jason, and, gingerly, emerged from under the rock.

The cod then duly swished his tail over Jason, and in a flash of light, Jason suddenly found that he was no longer a prawn, but a large shark.

"There, I'm as good as my word", said the cod. "Now, if you don't mind, I have some errands to attend to - nothing personal, you understand, only you look a little hungry, and I think you would find those nice juicy young mackerel over there much more tasty than a leathery old cod like me ..." and in a panic-stricken burst of speed, fled for the nearest stand of kelp fronds to hide.

Jason spent some time cruising around the waters, rejoicing in being able to swim openly without any fear whatsoever: however, word had quickly spread (those anemones are such gossips you know) that Jason had become a shark, and consequently, all of the sea creatures that used to be his friends hid from his sight, lest he suddenly forget himself in his new guise.

After a while, Jason began to miss his old friends. Being a prawn had its disadvantages, certainly, but one of the great things about being a prawn was that you always had other prawns to talk to and play games with. Being a shark might mean that no-one tries to eat you, but then, no-one dares come near you either. So, after a while, wanting to be reunited with his friends, Jason went looking for the magic cod.

Eventually, Jason found the magic cod, and said, "Er, hello again - can you do me a favour?"

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" exclaimed the cod. "Especially now you're a shark!"

"Well that's what I came to see you about", said Jason. "Being a shark has its plus points, but it's prettly lonely - everything scatters in fear when I approach, and I miss all my friends among the prawns. So, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you turn me back into a prawn?"

"Hmm, somehow I thought something like this might crop up - usually does in these fables", replied the cod mysteriously, and with a swish of his tail, turned Jason back into his old self.

Jason, delighted at being able to reunite with his friends without them running in fear, immediately set off for the cluster of rocks where he knew they would all be waiting. Upon arrival, he heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, it's me, Jason!" he called out excitedly.

"Go away! You're a shark now, and you'll only gobble me up and eat me!" bleated the voice beneath the rock.

"No, no, it's all different now", called out Jason. "You see, I found cod, and I'm a prawn again Christian ..."

[Svartalf]

OOuch, that's bad.

[Hermit]

Better than any Scumple post, but.

[cronus]

I was a nihilist now I'm a christian, no change. Still given half the population is IQ<100 and there's TSHTF spreading like a plague, war and sanction led famine, and at some point they'll be heading back to chruch might as well get close as I can to those tithing boxes.

Could be the start of something big for me. Gonna start reading my Bible, learn the jive, rather than using it as a dust gatherer.

[Hermit]

Who said or even implied you're a Christian?

Reading comprehension, Scumple. Get some.

[JimC]

Mutiny, Mr Christian!

Mutiny!