All Things Trump: The Return Of The King

[Tero]

Who got bitten by a viper?

Some doctor that was on a trip with Obama's daughters in Peru.

[Tero]

the.internezzo
10h
When my 95 year old was in recovery room after surgery during Trump 1.0, they asked her the usual questions including who is the president. Her reply: "please don't make me say his name."

[Tero]

In a year: Trump reading press releases to make it look like he still had thoughts. No more press in White House to ask him directly.

yikesamerica
1d
The donor class will let him decompose in the Oval Office before they would remove him. Never before - not even Reagan - have they found a more willing tool to create their goal of feudalism

[Brian Peacock]

The man's a ghoul...
.

[Tero]

Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers

“Effective immediately, 100 will now be 5,100 and—I’m reading off the official statistics from my people—500 will be 25,500,” said Trump, speaking from the Oval Office as he told reporters the move would shift decimals “many places” to the right for wages, stock prices, job numbers, gross domestic product, and other vital economic indicators. “Say your net worth is about $20,000. In that case, you’re now a millionaire.

...if the executive order was as successful as he expected it to be, he might soon shift to increasing some letters.

[Tero]

Happy Monday, Everyone! Looking Forward To Another Week Of Infecting Every Aspect Of Your Daily Lives!

Good morning, everyone! What a week we’ve got coming up. A tremendous week. The fall season is here, we’re working on huge tax cuts, and there’s a lot of optimism having to do with business in our economy.
I’m like a disease without a cure. There’s not a single thing I haven’t contaminated. News, entertainment, medicine, sports; if there’s a part of culture I haven’t ruined for you yet, just wait. This could be the week. I’ll either claw my way into your waking consciousness or just linger in the back of your mind, ready to pop out at any moment and remind you that I’m the president of the United States and will be for at least the next three years. You know that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach—the one that’s been there since last November? Well, it’s not going away this week, I’ll tell you that.

So enjoy the precious few minutes you have each morning before remembering that I exist. Because that is all you will have before I begin my daily task of tainting everything you love, a list that, this week, may include: the World Series, Halloween, rock concerts, shopping, birthday cake, swimming pools, Christmas trees, makeup, vacations, watching movies, time capsules, family reunions, rollercoasters, end-of-year bonuses, video games, Broadway musicals, relaxing with friends, religious solitude, fine dining, a good night’s sleep, and the new iPhone, just to name a few.

(Onion 2017)